The Sue Rules
by Mr. Havik
Summary: Your complete guide to being the greatest Suethor EVAR! Just follow these easy steps to begin destroying the Mortal Kombat universe with your obnoxious OCs!
1. Prologue

A/N: Okay, first thing's first, I **HATE** OCs. Why? Because they are poorly conceptualized and developed, contradictory to the main storyline and they _always_ upstage the main characters. Not to mention they are annoying. And they are _all_ Mary Sues almost all the time. Now if people make OCs that really are unique to the storyline or just plain aren't Mary Sues, they are the most talented of authors the world has given birth to. 'Nuff said...

Disclaimer: MK is not mine by default. And by the way, the OC here? Not mine either... :]

* * *

_**The Sue Rules**_

_**By Mr. Havik

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**_

Prologue

The storm that loomed above his head boomed angrily, spitting lightning and threatening to shower, angered at his presence. He knew the raging clouds warned him that his arrival was not welcome here. His soul was corrupted and stained with his grotesque sins. He knew that he was forbidden to tread on such holy land, but unlike his usual nature to displease the Thunder God for just the sake of it, he came here for a reason. He would not degrade himself by ever setting foot on the earth that was used for his nemesis's worship, but this new danger, this new threat was something he could not manage to execute with his sole prowess.

He, and the few that had allied themselves with him could not prove successful in vanquishing this monster. She was too powerful, though out numbered, and nearly impossible to stop.

Indeed, she was only _nearly_ impossible to defeat.

With separate powers that is...

He knew that with unity between the allies of darkness and light, they could manage to destroy his regrettable creation. Together, there was a chance that she could be annihilated before she could manage to make the realms crumble at her feet, and seemingly destroy reality.

He knew what he had to do, even if it meant risking his pride and bargaining with his enemy.

It was for the survival of existence.

His survival.

The wind had begun to blow like a herd of rushing bulls, trying desperately to topple him over the edge of the high-point of the tower. But he managed to strengthen his footing and stand like a rock in the rolling wind, unmoving, not submitting to its will. He turned his pale face towards the dark, churning sky and called the god's name, using all the energy he could muster to make his voice sound louder than the storm.

Within moments, the sky lit up, revealing a tint of blue at the belly of the clouds and sending down upon the center of the Temple a single stroke of lightning. He shielded his dark eyes with his arms as the bolt shot down at a metallic rod at one corner that emitted a sudden flash of white. A short boom was heard before the light died down and he believed it to be safe to see.

Before him stood Raiden, adorning his simple straw hat and a deep frown. His eyes spat a few sparks with anger and static ran across and around his clothing and hair. He was equipped with his enchanted staff, which too had blue currents running about its length. His weapon was an indication that if provoked, he would definitely fight back.

But now was no time for meaningless squabble. Now was the time to from an alliance and protect the reality that framed the land they walked upon.

He had to have his trust, or else, all would be lost.

In a show of submitting and humbleness, he fell to one knee and bowed his head. But the god was not moved. He knew that the immortal would well think of this as treachery, and so, took his staff in both hands.

"All I ask is your faith..." he began quietly, internally cursing himself for falling at his enemy's feet.

"Stand up so I may know of your intentions..." the god ordered, which he obediently followed.

Raiden paced back a little, taking back his staff in his left hand and staring into his cold grey face. He knew he was peering into his soul to know his true motives. This was one thing he felt confident at, for his intentions were not for causing discord for the moment.

"I do not entirely trust you, Quan Chi..." the god spoke, his voice crisp and loud as thunder. "But you may relate to me your purpose for intruding into sacred grounds."

"I come to tie an alliance with you, Raiden," he stated, almost sneering through a mock smile in an attempt to sound as generous as he possibly could. "I seek the support of the forces of light to aid us in the fight against this new threat –"

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW?" the god bellowed, thrusting his arm over his neck to push him off the tower. He stumbled back at the sudden blow, but caught himself before he would fall over. He took a hold of the limb that oppressed him and pushed it away just enough so that he may breathe.

"Temper, Thunder God," he said calmly. "I did not come here for a fight."

"Then what did you come here for?" the immortal demanded, his eyes flashing wild sparks. He could feel the tinge of the static that now raced uncontrollably through the god's fingers.

He quietly eased himself away from Raiden's grip and made his way towards the center of the platform; the farthest from the short walls and a hundred meters drop to the ground.

"You have every right to be outraged," he had said, forgetting that he was to make good terms with the god and reverting to his initial persona. "It was a mistake actually. I thought I had made a force capable of destroying an enemy that has long been a hindrance in my life. The creation was successful, but I had only realized how... _grotesque_... it actually was until she had been born..."

He saw how the immortal narrowed his eyes in anger at him when that word snaked from his mouth.

"You might understand now why I have come to you. And I need you and your allies to aid me in her execution..." he requested, taking a step forward and extending a gloved hand.

"And give me one good reason why I should refrain from throwing you off the building right now...?" the Thunder God queried, his frustration having still not left him.

"Because I am the only one who has the knowledge to destroy her..."

The god bowed his head low, obscuring his face with his head wear. He heard him sigh and then shake his head regrettably until he looked back up again. The other's fingers wrapped around his hand and shook it once before releasing his hold.

It was a deal.

Nothing more to be said, nothing more to be done, he took his leave, passing by the god who remained in place, sighing with exasperation.

"Quan Chi!" Raiden called. He did not turn to meet him, for he knew that his tentative ally surely did not want to face him as well. He stopped in his tracks, aware that the god would know that he had not left yet.

"You called this threat a 'she'..." he began. "What exactly have you made?"

Chi sighed deeply and closed his eyes, regretting his experiment. He turned lightly on his heels just so that he could look back the tall immortal. Raiden, too, was facing him, his staff standing beside him.

"The only thing we all would be powerless against," he began, a sad frown on his cold face.

"A Mary Sue..."

* * *

Looking up at the stars of the night time sky, she shivered silently in the mild cold. She hugged herself to keep her body warm and ignited the fire inside of her so that the heat may quickly reach her body. Within moments, she could feel easy to walk in the slow wind.

She looked up ahead at the distant path of the valley, winding and folding behind green rocks. She sighed in frustration at having to tread such a long way. She was tried, and decided it was enough for the day. She skipped over a few rocks to her right and conveniently found a small brush near a flat stone that stretched to nearly two meters. Placing her weapon of choice, a kunai attached to a rope under a small niche in the rock, she quickly untied her waist long, chocolate brown hair. She stretched her arms and yawned beneath her mask before lying down upon the smooth stone.

She looked up at the stars again, wondering how beautiful they were. She realized she loved them; the first thing she could ever love during her time on the Earth. Back in the nether, the sky did not wear any stars, and hardly anything was liable to be called beautiful there. But this realm she liked, because it had so many things that were so beautiful. It made her feel happy; a feeling she thought she would never know until she had been resurrected.

Another yawn escaped her lips; her mortal body's way of telling her to get some sleep.

She turned to her side, placing an arm beneath her head to rest on. Soon, her eyes fluttered shut and she fell into blissful sleep.

* * *

Scorpion had shuddered.

He did not know why.

He did not feel the cold, neither could he sense an unwanted presence nearby.

Then why did he shudder?

He turned his head to his side, his white eyes searching for perhaps a stalker. His hand reached for his spear, equipped on his belt, ready to strike in case of an ambush. But as long as he waited silently in the still of the night, he could not feel anyone around him. He could not sense any other besides him. And he certainly did not feel anything anymore. It was as if his body reacted on its own for whatever reason it may have. Sheathing back his weapon he continued on his path, his pace quicker once he realized the light of the moon would soon vanish as the heavenly rock would be obscured by an incoming storm.

He trudged through the thick dirt laden on the pathway, unaware that his mission would hold for him a terrible turn of his fate. Every step he took led him closer to his ultimate demise:

**The Mary Sue**

Scorpion shuddered again.

* * *

A/N: OMG, I LOVE GETTING BORED! And I know I'm killing myself here, what with two fan fictions already in the works and I'm posting a third one. Not to mention there are five more to come. Its murder I tells ya, but the good thing about writing too many fics at once is that you don't get writer's block that often. So much variety to brainstorm through! Oh, and the next chapter will begin with the real humor, so don't forget to review. I need to see some reviews after realizing how unpopular Damnation is :(


	2. Rule 1

A/N: I guess this is a follow up on my previous one-shot 'Fan Fiction' since both deal with the same topic, more or less. And if you want to see a picture of the Sue, follow the link on my profile page.

Disclaimer: I really don't own anything. Well, sort of Hellflame, but she's a mixture of different OCs.

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Rule #1 – Choose her destiny

_To start with your story, select the character you want and create the Sue according to his personality. The Sue must fulfill all shortcomings of that particular character and possess stereotypical traits that can prove attractive and beautiful. In short, the OC must be 'perfect' for the selected character. When you do this, you'll know that you don't think of a Sue and then pick a guy for her, you take your favorite character and then make an OC for him._

_That's why the Sue doesn't have her own fate. By choosing her partner, you choose her destiny._

_

* * *

_

"Gee, it sure is boring around here!" exclaimed Kung Lao as he stretched his limbs and rolled his eyes, a goofy smile plastered on his face.

Nearby perched on a wooden bench was his mentor, the Wind God Fujin, who quietly took a sip of his tea. He shot a glance to the aloof monk, irked at his ignorance. Placing the ceramic cup down on the grass, he held up an authoritative finger to better emphasize his word.

"My boy, this peace is what _all_ true warriors strive for!" he declared, but not exactly managing to get through to the young monk's wandering mind. Realizing that the man was not paying any real attention to him, he decided it to be of no use to explain things to the man, and picking up the cup, began drinking from it again.

"I wonder what Liu Kang's up to!" the Shaolin thought out loud with a small hiccup escaping his throat. He quickly cupped his mouth with a hand and smiled back at the immortal sheepishly, who gave him a very peculiar look.

"He's dead, Lao..." the god announced, narrowing his eyes in disgust and disbelief. The mortal reached for the back of his head and giggled audibly.

"Oopsie, I kinda forgot!" he slurred, hiccuping again.

Fujin quietly reached for the small flask of wine placed near the latter's side and put it behind him.

"Last time I let you touch alcohol..." the braided elder murmured, pouring some into his tea and and taking a swift gulp out of it.

The two were silent for moments on end, finding no need to talk. It was a strange relationship they shared, that resembled more of that between a father and his son than a student and his guide. And despite the fact that the monk was particularly drunk, he understood that between them, there was no reason for words as their mere presence was enough for a conversation. As much as the monk would say that he was bored, Fujin knew that both rather preferred to remain in this comfortable silence.

And as they sat together, quietly, watching the world move around them, and time fly past, they easily noticed the sky getting heavy with dark clouds. They knew that the coming storm in the middle of a particularly sunny afternoon meant the arrival of the Wind God's younger sibling, Raiden. It was the understanding between them really that gave them console and let them relax although knowing that the Thunder God gave untimely visits when there was a cause for trouble.

The clouds groaned miserably, sparking blue at the belly as lightning surged through the sky, hanging low over the two men's heads. Fujin exhaled deeply, taking another swipe of the wine as he looked up at the thick sky, still sitting cross-legged on the bench.

In a quick moment, a stroke of light stretched towards the earth, bellowing as the Protector of Earth materialized from the bolt. The clouds slowly began to disperse, having fulfilled their duty and letting the sun light break through the thickness.

The Thunder God's eyes fell upon the monk, who smiled back warmly, a noticeable hue of red on his cheeks. The immortal had almost opened his mouth to ask whether the man had a fever until the smell of alcohol wafted in the air and seeped into his nostrils.

"Booze...?" Raiden had said, and then immediately shot an accusing stare at his older brother, who hid the bottle at his back. He knew Fujin to be capable of doing such pathetic things.

"Ni-sama, if you would have been the least bit responsible, you would have my title as Protector God..." the Thunder God had said, his brow furrowed together in deep frustration. Realizing that hiding the flask was of not particular use in the first place, the other immortal brought it up front again and placed it to his mouth, gulping down the beverage.

"Don't give me this..." the God of Wind pleaded half-heartedly, annoyed at how his brother kept bringing that up everytime he caught him indulging in these pastimes.

"I was here for Lao..." the younger god stated, eying the pathetically drunk monk. "...but now look what you've done to him..."

"Just a little tipsy..." the Shaolin hiccuped. "I'm good. I'm all good!"

"What happened?" the wind god queried as Raiden shook his head in pity, taking remote interest in the other's need for his student.

Fujin felt rather uneasy when he saw his brother's face turn from a look of annoyance to a mixture of sadness and worry. Something terribly wrong had happened, he could tell any day in any weather that something was extremely wrong when Raiden gave that face. The braided immortal quickly put down the bottle, not caring that it tipped over and fell, and stood upright so that he would match his sibling's height. Lao, too realized the urgency of the matter when the air around them got thick with worry. This was a serious matter here, and drunk or not, Kung Lao realized his duties to protect whatever was in danger.

Clearing his throat, the monk too rose from his seat, letting the other know that he was prepared.

"I have very little time to explain, Ni-sama..." Raiden had said, his voice low and empty of emotions. "You'll know after we have sent Lao on his mission, but for now, it is of utmost importance that she does not tread faster and claim her victim..."

"She?" Fujin demanded, ignoring the hiccup from his student.

"A Mary Sue..." Raiden murmured that earned an exaggerated gasp from his older brother. Kung Lao, though remained confused.

"Who's Mary Sue...?" he questioned.

"Not 'who', 'what'!" exclaimed the older god, exasperated at the monk's unawareness.

"No time!" declared Raiden, holding on to his staff with both hands, his body flashing with energy. "You have to come now!"

The Protector God stretched out his hand for the mortal to hold on to. Lao knew that he was going to immediately transport him to wherever his services were needed instead of waiting if he traveled on his own. The god seldom ever came into physical contact with mortals, unless in times of battle or war, and the Shaolin warrior had to consider this as a severe conflict if he was letting a human touch his holy form. Quietly, he took a firm grasp of his hand, and closed his eyes as the god instructed him to.

"I'm coming too..." Fujin announced, causing his sibling to hesitate. But knowing the urgency of the matter, Raiden felt it useless to argue and nodded in compliance before he teleported away with a flash of thunder and lightning.

* * *

"Her name is Hellflame..." Quan Chi had only begun but was rudely interrupted by a chortle, which quickly broke into laughter. All eyes angrily turned towards Kitana, who had her head rested on the table, quivering furiously as she continued to laugh. Seated beside her, Kung Lao tipped his hat forward in shame, no longer under the influence of alcohol, hiding his embarrassed face. He knew that the ill-mannered Princess would not listen to any warnings from the two immortals and the sorcerer, all except for himself. She would only listen to him not because they were friends or anything of the sort, but because of his relations with her previous lover, and his cousin, Liu Kang. And because of that barely connected relation, she would often manage to heed his words.

So when she had caused the disruption, all persons expected him to keep her in control.

"I'm sorry...!" the Princess choked, waving a hand apologetically when Kung Lao had asked very kindly of her to stop.

"But _Hellflame_?" she broke into hysterical laughter again. Lao turned his head away in defeat, and settled his gaze on the others present, pleading through his eyes that they teach the woman some discipline. Raiden had hidden his face in shame, Fujin was glaring at the unaware Edenian, and the sorcerer had covered his face in embarrassment, too ashamed of having named his vile creation the most cheesiest thing possible.

"It was meant to show her connection towards Scorpion's element..." Quan Chi provided, trying to give a reasonable explanation for the poorly thought name and justify his act as a cause for no shame. But it only managed to make the Princess laugh even louder. He covered his face with his gloved hands once again, realizing his usually pale skin was now beginning to glow red.

"Okay, okay..." gasped Kitana, fanning herself with her hand to cool herself down. "So what were you saying about this _Hellflame_?"

Anyone could notice the chuckle that she tried her best to suppress. Sighing, Quan Chi placed his hands on the table and entangled his own fingers.

"As I was saying..." he cleared his throat. "I had created Hellflame to act as a force of destruction for my nemesis, Scorpion..."

He paused for a moment to let Kitana turn around in her chair and gulped down another fit of laughter. He continued his words when she was successful and faced him again. Kung Lao's cheeks flushed red. Why was he trapped with her of all people?

"Apparently the specter proved to be too much of a nuisance, so I had decided to construct his ultimate demise..."

"The Mary Sue," Fujin added wearily. The air within the room fell empty when the words escaped his lips, and all but Kitana found it rather hard to feel alive.

"And I purposely ignored the fact that not only will she be Scorpion's doom, but ours as well," the sorcerer grimaced, his hands wiping off a bead of sweat from his brow.

"And that is why you have summoned me here..." the Shaolin monk stated, lifting his head so that his eyes became rarely visible for a short moment.

"But why her?" he demanded, pointing towards the Edenian who was picking her teeth with her rusty, blood-stained fans.

She put down her weapon and spat the bothersome particle of food she was successful in dislocating before placing her mask back on. Quan Chi cringed at the sight. Really... was this _animal_ the Princess of Edenia?

"Because..." Raiden breathed in regret. "Besides Scorpion, she has the most experience..."

"The female kombatant whose had the most fan fictions written about her..." Fujin further elaborated before Lao had any chance to question.

The Edenian royalty crossed her arms over her under her large chest, purposely ignorant that she pushed them up and irked a small stir from Chi. Leaning back in her chair, she placed her feet on the table, knocking over a cup of tea which Fujin was too late in saving.

"And in most of 'em, I've been the Sue..." she shared. "Sucks being hot..."

The monk saw Raiden pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Nonetheless, she has discovered her origins and plans to avenge and rebuild the Shirai Ryu clan..." Chi concluded.

"Whadya mean rebuild - … oh… " Kitana whistled, realizing what the sorcerer meant. Her vulgar gesture, though, was immediately understood by the two gods, of which Raiden bore his gaze into her menacingly, his eyes flashing with light.

"Don't you dare..." he warned, only managing to provoke the woman.

"Don't what?" she toyed, a smirk beginning to form beneath her cloth mask.

"You know what..."

"I seriously don't..."

"Kitana, I'm warning you..."

"Oh, so do you mean..."

"DON'T...!"

Her eyes reverted to Lao, who too was staring back at her, but with fear and shame.

"Hot. Undead. Sex..." she said, grinning from ear to ear at the look of anger on the Thunder God's face.

Kung Lao turned away completely, so that his back faced Kitana.

"What's wrong with you...?" the female queried.

"He's a _monk, _Kitana!" Fujin cried, his hands flailing in the air in disbelief.

"So?"

Quan Chi rammed his palm on his forehead, and then quickly stroked it when it pained from getting hit too hard.

"This attitude of yours is really bothersome, woman..." Chi growled.

Kitana only scoffed.

"Please, if I was half the woman I was before, I wouldn't have taken any of the shit those bastards write about me and jumped off a cliff!" she exclaimed, pushing back her chair and ramming a fist on the hard table that easily split in two and crashed on an unsuspecting Quan Chi's foot. Fujin's efforts to save the cup of tea previously proved to be in vain as it crashed down with the furniture.

As much as everyone hated her reasoning, the female was right about what she said. This behavior was suitable for her to withstand all the terrible fiction based on her, and truly, it was quite beneficial as she could easily ignore the explicit literature she was depicted in. Well all except the fiction Havik had written on her almost a week ago. She hadn't forgiven that freak and broke into her house when he was reading the document to check for errors and get himself views. It had been a terrible mess, a very bloody one actually, that circulated amongst the gods and the kombatants for a few days.

"I would have let Havik post that fuck he was writing on me on the internet and gotten away with it..." she grumbled.

"How's Havik...?" the Wind God queried from his little brother.

"In the hospital, recovering in the ICU..." he had said, before adding "Pray for him. He' s not going too well..."

Quan Chi and Lao, respectively, placed their hands together and murmured a blessing to the pathetic cleric of Chaos.

Kitana was dumbfounded at this sudden show of respect and tenderness towards the man they all admitted was one they hated the most. After Taven, Kobra and Sareena, of course.

After they retrieved themselves from the prayer, they all looked up at the Thunder God.

"What's the damage any way?" Chi demanded, blinking his eyes in curiosity.

"We can't find his head..." Raiden declared. Lao was immediately mired in abrupt confusion.

"His head...? You just said he's not going too well. That means he's alive isn't he?" the monk demanded, scratching his head.

"Havik's weird that way..." Fujin answered for him, not helping to let his student know any better.

"You ate his head, didn't you?" Quan Chi demanded, pointing a bony finger at the woman, who replied with a scoff.

"I would have..." she stated, annoyed.

"But after I cleaved it off his shoulders, his neck sprouted tiny little legs and ran off!" she described, using her hands to simulate the movement of the run-away head.

"I fucking hate Chaos!" she cursed and then spat towards her right with a loud "THOO!". Her spit burned through the wooden floor where it landed.

"Well..." the immortal began, taking a deep breath. "Lao, Kitana. Locate the Sue and remain on stand by..."

"What?" Kitana blurted in disbelief. "Stand by? Why the fuck do you want us on stand by? Why can't we just jump out and screw with the bitch?"

"That so, because this will not be the only time we will face a Mary Sue..." the god said through gritted teeth, his eyes narrowing hatefully at the woman.

"Amass all information you can possibly gather on the abomination, and when the time comes, Quan Chi will have constructed a method to destroy her..." the other god added. "The data will prove beneficial if we again encounter a Sue in the future..."

Kitana opened her mouth in objection, but pursed back her lips when she decided it to be pointless to argue with the immortals.

"You're gonna get us all killed..." she muttered, shaking her head in pity. Lao could have sworn he had heard the whispers of some damn souls when her hair swayed, and faltered when he saw the trail of black mist that followed the movement.

"Think of a brighter side to this ordeal, Princess..." the sorcerer, not really concerned about her plight.

The blue-clad female placed her fists on her hips, looking up at the ceiling as she thought deeply about his advice. The ceiling began to deteriorate as her sight burned through it, although she remained oblivious to her surroundings.

"We'll get to see the adult only content, won't we?" she queried, at which Lao shuddered in fright and turned away again.

"What the _Hell_ is wrong with you?" she screamed at the monk's back.

* * *

The portal ripped and tore open through the fabric of reality, revealing a gateway into an alternate world to that of Earth. The gateway twisted into itself in what seemed like an endless turmoil of broken space. Dust kicked up at their feet, being drawn in by the little vacuum in the rip.

Raiden put his staff at his side, having successfully completed the process of opening up the portal. His eyes flashed with electricity impatiently as he turned his head from side to side, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Princess any time soon. He breathed, aggravated and annoyed at her tardiness. Lao though kept himself occupied by sitting on the ground, drawing small birds in the sand with his dirty fingers.

"How long has it been...?" the monk queried after several minutes, looking up at the god and smothering a yawn. Although it had been almost an hour since he had been relayed his mission and taken to a meeting, he had already become tired. Mainly because the Princess was taking too long. As much as Raiden insisted that she come along with them, Kitana argued that she had other businesses to take acre of before she left. She promised she'd meet them within fifteen minutes, and it was already past that mark. The Thunder God was much too familiar with her habit of causing inconveniences, and secretly cursed himself for allowing her to go off on her own.

Almost half an hour had passed until the scantily-clad female had arrived, a bag twice her size hung over her shoulder. Lao had marvel at how Edenian's could carry immense weights with relative ease, but couldn't even take a short glance at her because of her revealing attire. He tipped his hat in front of his eyes, which he admitted that he was doing much too often these days.

"Where were you!" Raiden demanded once she got close, anger slipping into his voice. Kung Lao was easily frightened at the wrath of the immortal, but Kitana wasn't.

"Shopping..." she replied casually, shrugging. Raiden fumed with madness, his face boiling red and sparks flying uncontrollably in his eyes.

"SHOPPING?" he bellowed, electricity racing up and down his silver mane like wild fire. "THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE IS AT RISK AND YOU WENT SHO-... pping...?"

His voice trailed off as the woman reached into her bag and revealed to him a pack of sanitary pads. The god's eyes trailed towards the plastic packaging (and for a moment, her breasts, but forced himself to control any tendencies), printed with bright bold words that claimed extra protection for eight hours straight, without the buyer having to worry about unwanted stains. His eyes met her face, his cheeks glowing red with embarrassment.

"S-sorry... I didn't know..." he stuttered, wishing to slap himself hard across the face.

Kitana, without another word said, placed the napkins back into her bag and stepped up to the portal. Lao immediately got up on his feet, also silent for having to witness such an embarrassing event.

"Squadalah... we're off..." the Edenian murmured as the two walked into the portal, the gate hissing and churning loudly as it transported them to the other plane.

* * *

Walking had become exceptionally tiring. Like the day before, this morning till the afternoon was spent in travels and Hellflame had still not managed to locate his presence.

She hadn't found any pattern to his movements, and often wondered whether he was just as aimless as her. But everytime she thought she had convinced herself that she had no goals, she would remind herself that out there, in the world beyond was the last remnant of the Shirai Ryu besides her. Of course she didn't know who he was and whether or not he wanted her to find him, but all she did understand that this man was her purpose in her otherwise meaningless life. With this man she could have console and a reason to continue living, and with this man, she was sure she could manage to defeat the sole person responsible for her damnation and slaughter of her people: Quan Chi.

She felt another spike in the essence of the nether. She could tell, that like her, he was also a cursed ghoul roaming the material world. And she determined that he also was in search of peace of soul by avenging his clan and destroying his murderer.

He was like her, she could tell.

Taking in a deep, determined breath, Hellfire trudged forward under the blaring, hot sun.

* * *

A/N: Okay, there's a reason why Fujin and Raiden are related here. In actual Shinto culture, Fujin and Raiden (sometimes Raijin) are brothers, with Fujin being the wiser and often elder of the two, however they were born in the same time period. Accordingly, Raiden's name is mispronounced as Rayden when its actually 'Ra-ee-den'. But you call him whatever you want.

P.S: If you didn't get the first four paragraphs including the "Squadalah" line near the end, search for 'Link: The Faces of Evil' on Youtube.

Read and review please, with critique if you can. And pray for Havik, his state is critical :'(


	3. Rule 2

Disclaimer: I'm too retarded to own Mortal Kombat. But retarded enough to own Hellflame... as much as I regret I do...

* * *

Rule #2 – Bring 'em together

_Like any Sue fic, you are NOT allowed to leave any room for character development in your Sue's first scene. That means that as soon as you begin your story, introduce your OC to her match right away. Following the trend, put her into a really tough situation and have her lover come to her rescue ASAP. But be sure that you make him interested in his initial goals than your Sue at first so that he doesn't turn out OOC until later. But if you want, you can make it a little sweet to show how well they are meant for each other ^_^_

"How are we going to find her?" demanded the monk as he tried yet again to climb up the slope but in vain. It had only been the beginning of their journey and Lao was already having difficulty scaling the terrain of the Outworld. Every time he thought he had found a firm footing or felt a good rock to hold on to, he would be bitterly disappointed when the rubble would come loose and bring him down with him. His knees were scraped despite the leggings he wore, and the skin of his hands was peeling off. Slightly above him, on more stable earth, sat his companion for the mission, the dreaded Princess of Edenia.

The woman was previously occupied in trying to figure out how to work a pair of binoculars (Edenian technology being a tad bit behind that of the Earth), but seeing the delay the Shaolin monk was causing, diverted her attention away from it.

Kitana leaned down, stretching out her hand for the man to hold on to. Lao had looked up at her, and indignantly refused, finding it degrading to accept help from a lady who thought she could lift him up easily...

In this mission, Kung Lao had quickly noticed how Kitana was taking the role of the strong, leading man, and how she was treating him as the hapless, vulnerable woman. Of course this really bothered him, but he had to admit that this was exactly how things were going here. Proof of which was how he couldn't climb up the damn slope, and the Princess had performed that feat ages ago.

His persistence was enough to let Kitana know that her help was denied. Shrugging, she sat back up again and continued fidgeting with the device.

"Did you really... need that many?" Lao panted, his arms finally reaching over the small ridge and heaving his upper body over the rock. He was referring to the black bag lying by the woman's side, from which he had seen Kitana take out that sanitary napkin.

The monk had already learned, from the little exposure he gained by being near Kitana, and from the details provided to him by his long dead cousin, that Edenians were more like super humans. He had seen her lift that huge luggage all by herself, and the fact that she had all that weird dark magic following her all the time contributed to that theory. So Kung Lao had assumed that maybe Edenian women... had... a lot of... that thing...

As soon as they would reach home, Lao would repent in front of the great Buddha for thinking of such things.

"What?" the female demanded, flinging the binoculars over her shoulder after having failed to understand its mechanisms.

"You know... what women use when they... have their days..." the Shaolin warrior elaborated, avoiding to name the product exactly.

"Oh, you mean napkins, eh?" she understood, raising an inquisitive brow. "Nah! I just brought along enough for a week..."

"A week?" Lao was puzzled. Was Kitana sure she would need those sanitation pads for a week? What if this journey dragged on for longer?

"Yeah... these Mary Sues have adventures that last a month... no character development and all, ya know... Afterwards they just get married with the poor bastard they're paired up with and that's that..."

The man had opened his mouth to ask but decided against it when he remembered that Kitana used to be this 'Mary Sue' herself. As he thought about it, he found himself wondering what was so vile about Kitana that made her a Sue. There was vast difference in her character from then and now; he reminisced how gentle and compassionate she was. She wasn't a monster, if she was a Sue back then, rather the monstrosity and ferociousness was more present in her current personality.

Then what happened to her? What was so wrong about the 'old' Kitana?

Lao would only have his answers when he would encounter the initial Sue, which thankfully provided by Raiden, was roaming around the wilderness of the Outworld. But now that they were here, the two were at a loss for a proper lead. The Thunder God refused to accompany them, saying that the Outworld drained away at his godly. The monk was sure that the immortal was lying; Raiden accompanied him and his cousin back when Kahn hosted that false tournament in the Emperor's own home realm, and if he wasn't mistaken, the god's powers were as amazing as they were back in Earthrealm.

As his thoughts raged on, Lao's attention was again brought to his mission. And he had to provide some logic to it all.

The Shaolin monk just could not understand why his companion kept referring the threat like she was some sort of fictional character. Really, it just wasn't the Edenian Princess here, Raiden, his sibling and the sorcerer Quan Chi, all preferred to speak of her as a 'thing' rather than a human being.

Maybe Mary Sues were not exactly humans at all. Perhaps they were some kind of monsters, or deformed creatures like the Tarkata, or the Shokan. The idea seemed rather plausible, until he had thought of Kitana. Perhaps she was some ugly thing walking around in human skin. Maybe all Edenians were, and their abnormal strengths, speeds and length of vision all contributed to that idea. He did recall how Raiden had warned him that this Sue was going to be an exceptionally beautiful woman who could easily make him a victim of her splendour with one look. But he had said that they are actually monsters on the inside. If he had to relate this warning to Kitana, then Lao's idea could well be true.

Kitana could actually be an ugly beast under that human exterior.

Should he be afraid then?

Lao had decided that he had no need to be frightened of her. If she really wanted to kill him, she could have done that ages ago.

So Kitana was a friendly monster!

The monk had to refrain from slapping himself for being such an idiot.

"What's in the bag then?" he demanded, placing his chin on his hands, forgetting to pull the rest of himself up over the ledge.

He saw the cloth of her mask stretch with the grin forming underneath. Her eyes twinkled with petrifying sadism. He knew that whatever was in that black cloth was something really bad.

Well, for him...

Kung Lao gulped audibly.

He saw her thin hands reach for the knot that tied the opening, and quickly unwind it. The black material folded in, revealing a strange dome, with a few spikes protruding from it. If the monk did not know any better, he would have overlooked the fact that the surface of the dome shone like the sweat on coarse skin. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw, what he believed to be the head, shake vigorously.

Kitana removed the cloth to reveal a drowsy Baraka, loudly moistening his mouth which tasted like steel.

Kung Lao was stricken.

"We're here?" the Tarkatan yawned, pulling out a deformed hand and massaging his scaly scalp. His eyes skimmed over the environment, eventually setting their gaze on the pale monk.

"Oh hey, Lao!" the creature exclaimed with all the enthusiasm he could muster in his sleepy state.

The Shaolin warrior was quickly caught before he slipped off the edge again. Holding on to his arm and the collar of his shirt, the Princess easily lifted him up and over the rock, making sure that he did not dangle off the end, and risk him falling down again. The man tried to recoil from the shock and messily got up on his knees.

Where the hell was this all going?

"He's going to be helping us from this point onwards," claimed the blue-garbed female, pulling a friendly arm around the Tarkatan's shoulder.

"B-B-Baraka?" Lao cried out, unable to grasp the Edenian's strange ways. Why did she sneak in a Tarkatan? Why? What sense does that make? In addition to that, she had allied herself with the Tarkata leader, Baraka, who, if the monk was not mistaken, was a bitter enemy of the Shaolin and an opposing force to the realm of Edenia.

Was he missing something here?

"Yeah, we go way back!" exclaimed the creature, ruffling the woman's hair.

"Baraka will show us where that Mary Sue is laying waste," explained the Edenian royalty, smoothing out her hair after violently driving her fist into Baraka's teeth, painfully shattering a few. But the Outworld scum did not seemed fazed by the pain, as he quickly got up and chuckled loudly like an old friend would.

Kung Lao was outright confused. Here he was, without a single clue who he was up against and where the hell he was headed, in the company of the infamous maniac everybody knew by the name of Kitana, and just now, all sense of logic and understanding left him when it was revealed to him that Baraka... was an old friend... of the Princess...?

This was wrong.

And why the hell would the Tarkatan know anything of the Sue? Raiden had said that the only ones involved in this were him, his partner, the sorcerer, and Fujin. He had stated that even the victim, the spectre known as Scorpion, was kept in the dark about the threat. Then where did Baraka ever know how to face the Sue?

Why Baraka, of all people- err... Tarkatan... or whatever...

Lao had to remember what he was told during that meeting with Quan Chi. He was told that Kitana was an ex-Sue... perhaps that explains why Baraka would have experience with one... if it was true that he was an old time friend of hers...

Okay, Lao was definitely missing something...

"How...?" the man demanded, tilting his bladed hat forward to shield his eyes from the light of the noon Sun.

"Because..." provided the creature, wiping the pouring blood off from his curled lips. "The Sues that typically wind up in this world always begin their adventure with some action!"

"Kicking some evil ass!" added Kitana, picking up the binoculars she had thankfully figured out... only managing to look through the wrong end. Claiming them to be broken, she tossed the device away, a rip appearing in the ground with two rotting hands dragging down the poor thing to God knows where.

"And a lot of it might I add," the Tarkatan continued, accepting the drink offered by the same two decaying hands that popped up at his side. Near Kung Lao, another pair appeared, holding up the beverage. The quivering monk had at first tried to ignore the things in hopes that they would leave, but was bitterly disappointed when the hands nudged the drink towards him, poking their decaying nails into his side. Lao almost gagged, and through sheer effort managed to wave his palm in a 'No, thanks" motion.

The hands quietly descended down the dimensional rip and disappeared, allowing the frightened man to shudder.

"They usually wind up surrounded by Tarkata," the creature continued, taking a sip of his beverage which ran down his face since he was unable to actually close his mouth. "And since this one's here in Outworld, there's no way she can miss that opportunity."

"I have a small battalion stationed to the near South," he added. "Its the perfect size; too big for the Sue to handle alone, but small enough for two people to fend off..."

"But you're putting your own people in danger," the monk pointed out, surprised himself that he was actually showing concern for the vile denizens of the Outworld. Baraka and his race were not exactly on good terms with the monk, since they had readily destroyed his sacred temple and killed many of his fellow Shaolin brothers. But because of his pacifist ways, Lao had learned to forgive, and restrain himself from letting his once high temper from getting out of control.

"No worries!" the creature cried. "Kitana's gonna make sure that none of them get hurt, right?"

The woman's head snapped towards the two, her face clearly showing an expression of 'What were you saying again?'. Thinking she heard right she immediately nodded in the affirmative.

"Yeah, totally!" she promised. "You can count on me!"

Kung Lao shifted his gaze to the foolish Tarkatan and then sighed in pity.

* * *

Hellflame raced as fast as her legs could carry her, dodging the low branches and skipping over the dead trees that littered the Living Woods. She whirled her head around, her brown hair following the motion, finding the Tarkatan horde tailing her, more closely behind her than before. She looked on ahead again, forcing all the energy she could in her long legs to carry her body faster, and further away from the following creatures. She skilfully leaped over another decaying tree, but caught her leg in a brush. In her rush, she had carelessly tried to pull it out in one go and unfortunately managed to bitterly twist it. Groaning in pain, she eased out her foot with more concentration and tried as best as she could to limp away.

She couldn't remember how she got herself trapped in this situation. But right now, that didn't matter; all that did was to simply escape and avoid being skinned alive by the demented nomads of this realm.

The exhaustion coupled with her injury threatened to make her fall in a heap. With stern determination, she carried forward, ignoring the protests of her paining body. Her heart was beating at an unhealthy pace and her breaths were becoming coarser and harder. Her body was exhausted, but her mind kept telling her to continue; fear compelling her to run. But it was soon that her limbs would not be able to carry forward. As much as her mind would scream at her, her pace was quickly slowing down, and her legs had begun to quiver with the weakness. She knew she couldn't run anymore. If not now, then sooner or later, that horde would catch up to her and a battle would ensue. Why prolong the inevitable and tire her body any further? If she had to fight, then she would fight now.

Through her blurring vision, she could see some open ground up ahead. She half ran and half limped into the clearing, falling onto her padded knees to catch a breath. She gulped for some precious air, and let her body tremble to ease the stress. She knew that her adventure was not over yet; the Tarkata were closing in she needed every bit of rest she could possibly gather to allow her to recover.

The crackling of the branches and the sounds of footsteps against dry vegetation got louder with each passing moment. Even the faces of the trees twisted into horrifying scowls, groaning, telling her to leave while she still had the chance. But she knew that running won't save her. If she stood her ground, or let them catch her, either way, a confrontation was inevitable.

Through what remained of her energy, she stumbled to her feet, forcing herself to stand tall and turned around, watching as the wild group neared the clearing.

"No," ordered Kitana, pulling her comrade back down and behind the bushes again.

"But she– " Kung Lao tried to argue but fell silent when he received a stern look from the Princess. His eyes widened in outrage, and he turned his head to gaze at the yellow garbed female's pathetic figure.

How could Kitana let her go through this? This woman was about to die and all he was doing was hide behind the thick vegetation, waiting for something to happen. If he didn't act now, she could be eaten alive by the Tarkata.

How could he let all of this happen? What was so wrong if he helped her?

This woman was harmless and in great peril; how could she ever be a _threat_?

Kung Lao had thought this mission would be difficult, but greatly underestimated its level. He couldn't believe that this young woman, seemingly harmless, was their enemy. And they were meant to kill her?

"She needs my help!" the monk whispered harshly, preparing to jump out, but was forced down by the Princess.

"How can we let her die? She's no danger!" Lao protested but was immediately silenced by the Tarkatan leader.

"You're letting yourself be deceived," he warned.

"But-"

"She is a threat, Lao..." the Edenian chimed in this time. "She looks pretty, but she's all monsters. We have to take any chances that mean she can be defeated. If not, then we'll have to carry on with this mission and wait until Quan Chi comes up with a solution."

Kung Lao sat horrified and filled with immense guilt for letting that innocent girl remain helpless and in pain.

Within moments, the kunoichi was locked in a fierce battle. Unsheathing her ninja sword, she swung her weak arms and cut through the deformed creatures. If overwhelming fatigue would not have been taking its toll on her body, she would have already gained victory over the Tarkata. The few seconds of rest seemed to have been lost as her body began to feel lighter and weaker than before. She found her breath quickly leaving her lungs and entering them with equal difficulty, and her vision was beginning to blur more often, almost obscuring her sight at times and forcing her to randomly swing her sword about in hopes of catching an unlucky monster. The numbers did not seem to have any end, and she knew that now, after only a few days since her resurrection, she was going to be damned to the Netherrealm once more, forever cursed to search for her lost reason.

Lao felt his body push up on his legs; instinct readying him to jump out.

Her hand reached for her weapon of choice, the spear, and swiftly pulled it out of its sheath. She held the blade before her, ready to throw it at her opponent, letting out her cry...

"Get over here!" she heard her call, but knew it wasn't her voice. Her head swung around, her hair swaying, to the direction where the voice had come from. Her pale eyes widened with relieving shock to find a strike of yellow and black, up above in the trees, the symbolic weapon of the Shirai Ryu clan, the spear, launched at the attacker. Her saviour was successful in impaling an unfortunate Tarkata and threw him with incredible force, the enemy's body being launched into the sky, disappearing in the clouds.

The monk breathed a sigh of relief and hid back in the thickness. He had vaguely heard Kitana scoff in disapproval.

"What are you standing around here for?" the man demanded, oblivious at how every Tarkatan had not moved in to kill the woman while she stood staring at him. "Take them down!"

The man jumped down from the tree, and backed her up, the two individuals facing both sides of the surrounding ring of the demented creatures. The pathetic group suddenly realised that they had to attack and charged in, having well missed their opportunity, and instead winded up getting hacked, slashed and brutally murdered.

"Tsk..." commented Kitana. "I can't believe that those Tarkata are actually _making_ the plot holes..."

A random Tarkatan separated from the group and took hold of a shovel, applying it to the earth. He removed the tool after digging the pointless ditch and put a sign into it, labelled "Plawt Hoole". A sword swung by and cleaved his head off.

"Pathetic. And how the hell can she still fight if she was really tired a couple of minutes ago...?" she groaned.

"Kitana, you said you'll protect them!" exclaimed Baraka, who crouched beside her, hidden by the thick brush. His blades began to poke out of his coarse skin as anger fumed inside of him.

"Yeah, but if I did, then Scorpion wouldn't have come to her rescue!" she argued lazily. Kung Lao shook his head, knowing all too easily when the woman lied.

"He's here _now_, what about the rest?" the creature demanded.

"But there only, like, fifteen of them left! What's the point in saving them?"

"Screw you!" the warrior cried and leaped out of the vegetation. Detracting his blades, he rushed into battle and ran screaming towards the two.

And had his body sliced in half by the girl.

"Wow... he got killed by the Sue..." Kitana pointed out. "I would've said he died an hero, but never mind now..."

"You're mean, Kitana..." Lao stated and received a rasberry.

The battle had seemed to have come to a stop, as the Sue and Scorpion were shielding back their weapons.

"You... you're one of the Shirai Ryu...!" Hellflame panted in disbelief.

"I was... I'm not anymore... and I don't appreciate people wearing that robe and mocking their name..." the spectre replied coldly, turning away from the woman. He ninja was prepared to leave, but something kept him from walking away.

He hesitated enough to allow the woman to offer an explanation.

Fucking idiot...

"I'm not mocking my clan!" the kunoichi defended herself. "I am one of the Shirai Ryu!"

Scorpion was silent as if thinking deeply for a moment, unable to hear the snickers of a female emitting from the brush, with a young man's voice accompanying it, telling the woman to hush. The ninja's head lifted forward and continued his way silently into the forest.

"Wait!" Hellflame cried, limping near him. "We can fight together!"

"I don't need-"

"We share a common goal, fellow Shirai Ryu..." she tried convincing him. "I wish to destroy the man responsible for the murder of my clan, as do you. Together, it will be sufficiently easier for us to accomplish that task..."

Kung Lao could vaguely see that the hole that the dead Tarkatan had grown in size. Even he was made to wonder how the yellow clad female knew that Scorpion was out for vengeance. More so, it looked like the two had completely forgotten about the corpses that littered the clearing.

The spectre was silent again, but her words were enough to cause him to turn around. He noticed the strange way she stood, and his eyes travelled down to the leg she had bent down on. He noticed the profuse bleeding of her ankle.

"You're injured," he said, his voice droning out the soft chortle that he was fortunate to remain ignorant of.

The girl, having being reminded of her injury, narrowed her eyes in pain. It was better that she forgot the pain, but know, it was definitely here to stay and was making its presence felt.

"Its nothing..." she lied, trying to drag herself away, but managed to fall on her behind, irking a small, painful groan from her. She quickly began to massage her injury, her eyes not daring to meet the man's out of sheer embarrassment. He walked near her and bent down, his hands wrapping around her back and taking hold of her legs. She found herself being gently lifted in his arms and held near his warm chest, her head resting on his shoulder. Her cheeks flushed red.

"It'll only delay our journey if I let you limp all the way..." the ninja offered an explanation, having walked away into the thick of the forest, too far to hear the loud laughter erupt from the brush.

* * *

A/N: FINALLY have I put in more Hellflame than Kung Lao and Kitana. Why? Because its HER story... and theirs too, but... still. And sorry to all Baraka fans, but I had to. Bad guys are not supposed to live more than one chapter. That's an elaboration of Rule #2: no character development. That goes for fight scenes and villains too.


	4. Exercise 1

Disclaimer: Bitch please...

* * *

Exercise #1

_For the sake of writing the complete Sue Guide, let's take a break and see whether you have gotten everything right so far. This is so because at this point, your Suethor skills need to be tested and because Mr. Havik hit writer's block so he's using this chapter as a pilot to get his thoughts moving again. I mean, lol OMG, Hellflame is so PURDYYY!1. Below is a short situation from which you will have to identify key aspects to a Sue fiction. Can you find them all?_

* * *

"Kitana, are you sure they went this way...?" Kung Lao groaned as he scaled another boulder with the Princess trekking ahead of him.

She looked comparatively less tired than the monk. In fact, the Edenian was yet to even break a single bead of perspiration whilst the other was already panting like a dog. Well of course, Kung Lao didn't exactly have around ten thousand years of field training like his companion, and eighteen hours of constant walking, hopping over rough terrain and wading through leech infested ponds with no lunch break was rapidly sapping his energy.

And the baggage she had tossed over his shoulders only managed to add to his burdens.

Moreover, the two were way behind their targets. Kitana had blamed Kung Lao's tardiness to be the cause, but it couldn't have been solely his fault. He had argued that she had taken too long to recover from her laughter, but he was quickly berated, and all the blame went on Lao's shoulders. Between this pair and the one up ahead, there was a difference of two hours, and Kung Lao was yet to see how they could catch up to them. Their only guide was martyred in battle with the Sue, leaving the pair without a definite lead. Nevertheless, Kitana was quite sure of where they were headed, effectively leading Lao through the most difficult terrain of the Outworld mountains, saying that it was the best short-cut.

The monk hadn't argued; he knew that Kitana had grown up in this realm and the surroundings may have gotten extremely familiar to her in the centuries she had lived here. But that did not mean that the two were on the right trail. Lao had no idea whatsoever where Scorpion and Hellflame were headed and he believed Kitana didn't know either. The fact that they had been traveling for so long without their targets anywhere in sight and the little light they were making do with in such darkness that ruined any chances for spotting familiar tracks was enough to make Lao feel he was right.

Often the monk wondered why the Thunder God had even chosen him for the task of eliminating the Sue. He was no veteran, neither was he used to such conditions, and that in an assassination mission, something which was against the morals and codes of the pacifist monk. It was like some cheap attempt of some force above to throw him together with this horrible, inhumane Princess and succeed in ruining his life.

Oh well... there was nothing he could do about it...

"Shut up!" she snapped, waving the tree branch that she had picked up along the way, not bothering to look back at him. The branch had gone black as it had caught fire several times during the time it remained in Kitana's possession, and it looked like it could light up again any moment. The brief light it provided had managed to ease their search, although it only helped them to a limited degree. At first it was frightening to the monk, then after realizing that this phenomenon is a usual occurrence, found it boring. After all, everything the Edenian touched or laid eyes upon reacted in some exaggerated fashion. Then why would a branch be any exception? Lao had, though, asked her why this was so but apparently the woman was completely oblivious to her extraordinary powers.

The Shaolin monk decided she was lying.

But for the moment he had even more annoying matters pressing him.

If there was one way to describe the Living Forests, it was rude. The damned trees kept swinging their branches and smacking him on his rear, whistling and hooting once they did. They didn't dare touch Kitana, but really, why was he the one to bear with these horny vegetations' advances. Another tree winked and then blew him a kiss. Lao shuddered. He wished dearly if they would just find a way out of the wilderness, or atleast travel into an area where there were no living trees.

They couldn't have been any worse if they hadn't spent another hour still walking through the thick of the forests with no sign of Mary Sue and Co. in sight. The trees kept harassing the Shaolin (one even tried to sway a wig to get a feel for his crotch). What was more harrowing was the fact that the two passed by the small trench the random Tarkatan had dug, the sign still announcing its horribly spelt message. This time, the monk was definitely convinced that Kitana was as clueless about the way they were going as him. Before his temper blew through his ears and nose, the Shaolin decided to repeat his question to the woman, uncaring of the spiteful things she may say in return.

"Kitana, I don't think you know where you are going…" he said, his tone heavy but stable so as to not start off directly with an argument.

_The basis for complete sexiness is to keep your cool. Chicks dig that!_ The voice of his ancestor, the Great Kung Lao, echoed through his head.

'Not now…' he warned the spirit, feeling a vein climb up his neck.

"I know exactly where I'm taking you!" the Princess declared, slightly defensive but still retaining her spite. She stopped in her tracks and turned around so quickly that Kung Lao felt that she had popped up in front of him. She reached for her back and produced a rolled up piece of parchment, waving the thing like a sword in Lao's face. She then, without warning, took a great stride towards Kung Lao, swerving her body next to his. The Princess was much too damn close for the monk's comfort. It was no surprise that he felt awkward and took a meek step back as the woman unraveled the scroll once she dropped the brach she was holding. But the poor man could enjoy less than a second of space before she reached out towards him without looking up, took a hold of the rim of his hat, and pulled him back near her.

"See…" she said, relatively calmer now as she was much too absorbed in what was scrawled upon the piece of paper. "I've been using this map."

Kung Lao blanched as a single disturbing thought raided his mind: when did she have a map? The warrior had been trailing behind her since their journey and upon the many instances that he did accidentally lay his eyes upon Kitana's behind, he had seen no map. Then how did she pull the paper out from her belt when there was nothing there in the first place? The monk cringed, realizing that he had also never seen her fans equipped anywhere on her body…

The Shaolin felt a jerk to his head as the woman had planted her palm on top of the dome of his galero and pushed him down so that his face could almost tear through the flimsy parchment.

"Right from the clearing, and then past the Living Forest…" she pointed towards the array of lines and stains of different colours that decorated the paper. The Shaolin squinted instead of trying to free himself from the uncomfortable position the Edenian had put him in. In a single glance, the man spotted something that made him want to perform a Hara-Kiri on himself. He now placed a finger on the North printed on the map which was, oddly enough, pointing south. He finally straightened himself, looking down upon the confused Princess while wearing a scowl on his face.

"Hmm…" she murmured after several seconds of silence. "The idiot who drew this map labeled North wrong…"

"There is nothing wrong with the map!" he bellowed, snatching the thing from her hands and turning it upside down. Or in this case, upside up. "What's wrong is with you!"

"Hey don't blame me!" she cried, causing the branch laying at her feet to spontaneously combust and turn to ash for good this time. "Blame the ten thousand years worth of education Shao Kahn** didn't** provide me!"

The monk's brows knit together in a deep furrow as the two locked eyes in a fearsome staring contest.

And then they leapt into a fiery kiss.

Nah, just kidding…

Lao scowled even further, finally backtracking so that the space grew between them. He turned his face away, feeling it better not to look at her.

"You screwed it up…" he muttered, trying his best to drink down his rising frustration.

"Arrgh!" Kitana cried out in her own anger and then proceeded to kick a small stone that exploded upon impact, creating a miniature mushroom cloud nearly as tall as Lao's shin. The Monk turned his gaze towards the peculiar column of fire and smoke until it vanished, immediately forgetting the reason for his hot temper. The poor man could not tear his gaze away from the tiny explosion that quickly began to form into smoke, too preoccupied to hear the woman cursing and shouting. It wasn't long before Kitana became silent, and that was when Lao was prompted back to reality. He looked up at the woman who had just walked a small distance away from him. She turned around, arms akimbo and then barked back at him.

"Come on!" she spat. "Say I fucked up, huh?"

Lao's eyes shriveled up and sunk back into his sockets once Kitana hunched over the ground and ripped it open to reveal a reddish glow emit from the tear. The same, horrid set of rotting hands popped out of the ground, one opening up its palm generously. Kitana quietly turned around and seated herself right into the palm, one leg folded upon the other.

"Bob and Paul will take us there quickly," she had said and then paused, waiting for the dumbfounded Kung Lao to approach, but as moments passed by, the monk did not move an inch from his spot.

"Lao..." Kitana called, annoyed and exasperated.

"I'm not sitting on that thing!" he protested, taking a fearful step backward. The empty hand hung low, as if lowering one's head in dejection. Kitana, though, wasn't too pleased with the Shaolin Monk's reaction for a variety of reasons.

"Don't hurt Paul's feelings!" she cried in disapproval, crossing her arms against her hefty chest. Frightened as he was, Lao knew that he had to trust Kitana. After all, she was dispensing her greatest efforts to the mission; she was passionate about killing the Sue, the man had easily taken notice of that. And up until now, the Edenian had yet to fail him in her conquests. Every step she had taken since the beginning of their journey was justified and correct (although, strangely enough, Lao did not approve of Baraka's demise) and once again, Lao knew, that she was doing what was only best for them.

No matter how frightening and weird her ways could be...

Gulping, he gingerly stepped forward, quivering as if a tremor had hit the earth. Within moments, he was close enough to the hand – Paul – after some 'helpful persuasion' from Kitana's side. The woman slapped the hand, causing it to come back to life and turn its palm towards the poor Shaolin warrior. He bit his tongue in an attempt to suppress a ferocious scream and turned around, shaking madly as he lowered himself as slowly and gradually as possible. But of course, the Princess did not approve with his speed and took a hold of his collar, yanking him into Paul.

Kung Lao squeaked once before being pulled down into the depths of Hell.

* * *

Lao opened his eyes to the harrowing and despairing Netherrealm, flinching as the hot air, thick with a putrid scent, blew across his face and chest, scorching his skin.

"Now this is an adventure!" he heard his companion cry out with excitement and then proceed to laugh like the maniacal bitch she was. The monk had realized that the ground beneath them was trembling violently, and as he gazed down, he saw he was seated on the decayed hand. But what really struck terror into his heart was that Lao was at a massive height, being flown across the parched lands of the Nether. He managed to see between the spaces between the fingers and the flesh a pair of legs reaching down to the ground, racing. His throat went dry and his body went numb as he slowly lifted his head towards the sky out of fearful instinct.

Two faces, nearly as big, broad and even more so decaying as the hands were, looked down at him. The neck-less heads breathed heavily, bringing their stinking hot breath down upon Lao, and broke into childish smiles, revealing a set of gnarled, charred teeth amongst which thousands of insects roamed about, hiding in the cavities of the abused teeth.

Lao silently stared on at the monstrosity and then fainted without so much as a whimper.

* * *

"Lao... La~o...! WAKE UP GOLDILOCKS!" he heard a voice erupt, jolting him out of his unconsciousness. He looked around bewildered and then settled his gaze upon Kitana's unmasked face once he reverted back to his senses. The Monk was at first going to relay his disapproval of the woman's ways, once and for all, but lost his words when his eyes took in the detailed features of the Princess's visage.

She was close enough for him to observe every inch of her beautiful porcelain face and the folds of her smile that though was in wicked intention, actually seemed harmonious and gentle. Lao had seen her face several times before but not this intently. He had thought she was a pretty thing now, but when he had the chance to finally stare into the blue pools of her eyes he realized that 'pretty' was one heck of a understatement.

Mary Sues were so exceptionally beautiful that they could grasp anyone in their enchantment, so Kung Lao had heard. Now he was sure how Kitana deemed herself to be once a Sue.

She bit her lip childishly and grinned even more brightly. Kung Lao could feel the corners of his mouth twitch and curve into a ghost of a smile. By now, everything seemed to be playing in slow motion with the Snake Eater theme playing in the background; the little smiles she gave him, the way her eyes closed and then opened up to flash the glimmer of her blue pupils, the way she reached out towards him… her fingers inching across the air to touch his face…

… And then slap him.

Wide-eyed and shocked, Kung Lao gave his companion a demanding stare while nursing his red cheek.

"You all right?" she demanded. "Looks like you're still a little shaky from that joy ride..."

Kung Lao turned his face away from her and reached for his galero which hung by its strap over his back. He pulled it over his hair, eternally grateful that the silhouette cast by the broad rim of the hat concealed his scarlet face. He knew he had been staring for too long at Kitana, causing her to check on him using her own methods; apparently the smack to his cheek was not because of her previous animosity towards him for saying that she blew the mission, thank the gods for that. Ashamed, he fumbled for words, trying to find a subject to take his own mind off the embarrassing event.

"T-That Paul is..." he stuttered dejectedly and then heaved a sigh of relief when the Edenian interrupted him and starting blathering about the thing.

"Cute! I know, right?" she exclaimed, causing Lao to return her that same look of bewilderment.

"When I become Queen..." Kitana continued. "I'm gonna adopt them as my sons!"

Lao scrunched up his nose in utter disgust and confusion. He was about to open his mouth to say Fujin-knows-what to force some much needed sense into the woman when the latter suddenly took a hold of his collar and pulled him up to his feet like he was some dog on a leash. She rose with him, forcing him to one direction where a rudimentary gate to a dusty little town occupied the near desolate land. He could see peasants and villagers, dusty like the town itself, moving about the streets to tend to their own errands.

"But…" he said, scrutinizing the area. "But I thought… I thought they were headed for a cave or something…"

"Silly Lao!" she sighed, pulling an arm around his neck. The man froze as the rightside of his face collided into her breast. "Silly, silly Lao… if you've been a Sue as long as I have, you'd know that the most typical place for them to wind up at is here…"

She then released her grip on him, now gesturing her hands into the sky as if she was summoning a god.

"SUEVILLE!"

Lao shook his head. Both in denial and to ward off any wrong thoughts that were beginning to roll around in his head.

"You have got to be…" his voice trailed off once he looked up at the scrawny letters that painted the gate. Indeed, it said "Sueville".

The monk squinted.

"Come!" she cried, taking lead with the Shaolin only following her after he snapped out of his delirium. He gulped almost too loudly when Kitana slowed her pace so that she would walk beside him and took a hold of his arm. She then jerked the poor man, who was being abused much like an old rag doll, close to her face.

"Listen up!" she whispered to the shaking warrior. "The only people that come here are Sues and their victims, got that?"

It had taken Kung Lao great effort to nod.

"From here on, I'm the Sue and you're my love interest…!"

"WHAT?"

"Quiet!" she hissed, tugging harshly at his arm. "These people are in need of REAL characters, and if they find out that we're not a Sue couple, they'd fall down on their knees and start worshipping us and THAT would only draw attention…!"

"B-But… But why me?"

"Shush!" she cried as a rather big breasted woman with colour changing hair and a set of wings walked up in front of the two warriors, eyeing them strangely. Kitana suddenly put on the most ridiculous smile Lao had ever seen and then leant into the monk's arms.

"O HAI!" the Princess cried out, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Are you here with your boyfriend too?"

"Totally!" the girl piped up, making the '^-^' face. "By the way, your man is really KAWAI!"

"Lol, yeah! Kawai!" the Edenian now said through gritted teeth, waving the winged woman goodbye as she finally left the two alone. The moment the stranger was out of sight, Kitana's face transformed into a scowl.

"This is a bad idea…" she murmured and then turned around, taking a hold of Kung Lao's hand. The monk, though, refused to budge when he saw two familiar faces up street, garbed in rather conspicuous yellow garments. He lifted his hand to point towards them.

"There they are!" he announced as Kitana shuddered, knowing that there was no backing out of this anymore.

"Ah, fuck…" she sighed, burying her face into his shoulder.

* * *

A/N: Like the fucking note says, it's a fucking filler because my mind is not working and I really needed to update this after such a long time. From here on out, this fic will contain two types of chapters. One kind are the RULES and the second are the EXERCISES. The RULES will contain step by step instructions on writing your Mary Sue fic and the EXERCISES will test you on your Suethor capabilities. K'… now that's done, let's move on to the reviewers.

**Kawaii**, **Violet**, **Spider-2099**, **SnakeEYEs**, **Sanctuary Infinitum**, **natashaheisenburg**, **Midnight Shadow Girl**, **Shortchannel4**, **Mewt**, **Binary and Trance** and **XxXLadyMarmoon**… THANK YOU FUCKING ALL!


	5. Rule 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Mortal Kombat and I claim shameful use of an existing OC upon whom Hellflame is based. Other than that, Sueville, its hapless residents and the swarm of random unnamed Sues all belong to me... sadly...

* * *

Rule #3 – Raping Cannon

_Since the Mary Sue completely obliterates cannon, let's introduce her to some of her friends. With friends and comrades of the cannon at her side, you can ensure that your OC is loved and adored amongst her peers, hence, is uber popular. But you can also add a character you kinda hate so you can take out your – I mean, your Sue's frustrations upon him/her. For example, if it's a character who is generally mean and annoying according to your – I MEAN, your Sue's opinion, then put him/her into the mix just for that purpose. You have to either reform that said character, or kill him/her, whichever way works best._

_Oh, and for the sake of making this as sappy as possible, make your Sue crush over another favourite character. Trust me, spice is something you have to use occasionally. Even the English learned how great adding hot spices to their food was; that's why they trolled India to a hilarious degree, laughing their asses off at the partition of the subcontinent in 1947._

_But since this is a Sue fic, you can ignore the spice and make it as bland as possible, but this example will continue with the spice added for reference._

_On a side note, you have to take your Sue's involvement in the cannon into consideration. Since she utterly tarnishes and rips cannon into millions of indiscernible atoms deemed by professional authors as horeshit, rewrite history as if your Sue was an existing part of it._

_And that's how you fuck fandoms with fan fiction._

* * *

"This is _slightly_ more dangerous than what we normally have to deal with..." she explained, wincing when she emphasized the 'slightly'. Kung Lao blinked his eyes like an attentive little child beaming with curiosity as he sat listening to his teacher's lecture. The room they were in had ample furniture by Kitana's standards. The monk had to complain with a stutter about the lack of separate beds in their temporary abode. He was offered by his partner that every single inn here in Sueville had only one bed per room for obvious reasons.

Those reasons though weren't as obvious to Lao.

The Edenian had her elbows propped on the window sill, leaning backwards so that her head almost poked out of the niche as she laid down the rules.

"Well, dangerous for you, that is..." he saw her rolling her eyes, the revelation having caused the monk's throat to suddenly run dry. He fumbled for words, combating his nervous spells despite knowing that he was to be involved in unruly circumstances. Although it didn't settle in as fast it should have, but now the pacifist was beginning to pay heed to Fujin's and Raiden's distraught prior to sending him with the Princess. For him, this entire mission had become a challenge for sexual tendencies, which as a monk he had vowed to eliminate within himself. But out here, the need to stop a love between two familiar strangers, an odd sensation that sparked within him when he dared to find Kitana relatively sane and the countless of skimpily clad heroines that populated this tiny village all paralleled the man's ideals. He was trapped in a universe that thrived upon that which threatened his chastity: love.

But he was still potent. It's just that he didn't get involved in any affairs.

"I'm u-u-u-under threat...?" he stammered, cold sweat appearing on his brow. He saw the woman pucker her lips with boredom and lean down further until it looked like she would finally lose balance and fall flat on her behind. But she didn't, of course. Ten thousand years is enough time to gain complete mastery over your body.

She nodded, sighing before pulling herself up and turning around to draw the curtains. Once the shadows finally reigned inside the apartment, she walked over to the bed and plopped down into it, arms folding behind her head like she owned the place.

She nodded.

Kung Lao gulped.

"I saw those girls going woozy while we were walking down that street," she explained, pointing towards the window with her thumb. "If anything, they'll probably tear you to pieces in a tug-of-war."

"But... But what did I do to _them_?"

"Nothing..." she shrugged. "Now do you understand why these Mary Sues are so dangerous?"

The Shaolin warrior bit his lip.

"I guess."

"Even if they _do_ try to marry you against your will, there's nothing I can do about it. In fact, the whole mission is in jeopardy with you as a liability."

"Liability?"

"There's a ninety-six percent chance that they're gonna get you, four percent that some gay dude kidnaps you, so I'm about to lose a partner in this mission."

"So... So what... are you going to do about it?"

"Already done it."

Kung Lao's eyes widened with some predestined fear. Hands trembling and his breaths becoming shallow, he took a meek step towards his lazy companion.

"What did you do?" he demanded, feeling slightly angrier now than afraid. Why wouldn't he be? After all, the woman had declared him expendable like it was no big deal and then implied that she had already arranged for when he would 'indefinitely' be lost to the mission. What's more, she even declared that she would not deviate from the objective and aid him in his time of need. Was he really that useless to her? Could she really just toss him away like that? He was human after all, he had his constitutional rights. But what really hurt him was that she was completely disregarding their friendship.

Okay, fine. They really weren't as close as they should be. She was Liu Kang's fancy when he was still alive, and the fact that he was his distant cousin was enough legitimacy required to form some form of friendly bridge between the two. But to him, even during the years before Kang, all she was but an ally. They had talked scarcely in the past, and nothing of relative interest. It was always about how to infiltrate the fortress, how to pull a surprise assault on Shinnok's forces and the sort.

'_We even died together,'_ he thought to himself, frowning bitterly when he recalled looking into her pale blue eyes as she lay next to him at the steps of the palace. He was the unlucky one; he was forced to bleed to death, looking at only a corpse of his ally in his last moments. Not a pretty memory, but being again amongst the living, Kitana didn't even consider that as anything worth extending a hand in friendship for.

After her resurrection along with everyone else, Kitana completely disappeared, except only reappearing during the battle of Armageddon. After that, he hadn't seen or heard from her until the day Raiden brought news of the Mary Sue. Lao didn't know whether to be glad or wounded about this. If it weren't for Hellflame, Kung Lao would never have reunited with an old comrade, but if it weren't for the Sue, he wouldn't have to bear Kitana's coldness.

In fact, the most vivid memory he had of the Princess was when their souls had been freed, courtesy of Ermac. Walking up to Liu Kang's soul, teary eyed and smiling a most splendid smile, she suddenly jerked up her hand and gestured her middle finger at him. She then kicked Shujinko in his jewels (this clearly does not refer to the Kamidogu) and ran off.

It was the weirdest thing Lao had ever seen her do, not that she did weird things occasionally before that. Perhaps that was an explanation for her insane personality: may be death was something her mind couldn't cope with, and having been brought back to life after bearing through the pain and darkness of death, she went nuts. Yet, that didn't exactly explain why Kung Lao, Carlton, Blade and Briggs remained unaffected. Well, they didn't exactly discover after ten thousand years that their fathers were not their fathers and had killed their real parent while producing deformed and deranged clones of themselves. Who's to say?

But right now, even that slightly humorous debacle including Shujinko's agonizing screams from then wasn't enough to balm Lao's wounded heart. Kitana's decision regarding the mission was an issue that still needed to be resolved.

"I asked Raiden to send in a replacement," she answered the question the monk had asked five hundred and fifty-eight words ago. "Whoever comes in, I'll send you back to Earthrealm when he does."

Lao's jaw almost unhinged itself from his skull. He was appalled. Absolutely shocked at the prospect that she really was just tossing him away. If there was any doubt that lingered in his head that the woman may have been joking, Kitana the way she is, then all that doubt had certainly been erased.

"I... I am not leaving!" he cried, voice hoarser.

"You're being almost as obnoxious as that Hellflame bitch," she yawned, patting her wide mouth with her hand. "I don't want you fucking around with this mission the way things are. Now shut up... I have an appointment to rape some Shokan in my dreams."

With that, she pulled the sheet over her and turned to her side, yawning once again.

"And don't go outside...! You'll probably risk getting raped yourself..."

The monk clenched his teeth, hands balling into tight fists. Being peaceful as he was, he decided not to let his anger overtake his reasoning, the only thing he needed to tell himself in order to keep from yelling at her. Rage now only bubbling like a dormant spring in his stomach, he took his time to watch the gentle heave of her body under the blanket as she slipped into sleep. Lao turned around and walked out the door.

His defiance would surely piss her off.

Lao hadn't realised that he hadn't exactly calmed himself down.

* * *

He felt awfully miserable as he walked down the crowded street, too lost to pay due attention to the extravagant females that occasionally dotted the place, boyfriends at their side like dutiful dogs. Despite being in the Outworld where the sky was normally purple, Sueville was affected by a sunny disposition: white clouds in the sky, birds chirping away merrily, rainbows stretching out across the horizon despite the lack of any rain, winged horses carrying women as they shat upon the unfortunate locals.

This can be the only explanation why Outworld was such a shithole.

But no matter how gorgeous the day was, everything was nothing less than dull, gray and gloomy for the Shaolin warrior.

He sighed profusely, tilting his head so low that his chin met his collar and his razor hat concealed more than two-thirds of his face. He kicked a small rock as he went along, not caring to watch where the thing rolled away.

"Lao!" he heard a female voice call out to him. For a brief moment did he hope that the one who called out to him was Kitana, but he quickly realised that this voice was far much more graceful and serene than what the Princess sounded like. He quickly stopped in his tracks, an eyebrow raised in curiosity: exactly who was it that just took his name?

A flash of a thought: the replacement.

The monk frowned yet still turned in the direction of the source of the voice. It was a girl, probably in her late teens but quite mature-looking for her age. She had beautiful golden locks and red eyes that shone like two rubies in the light. She was scantily clad, like most other girls around here, and just as likely, was the owner of a set of ridiculously large melons.

Yes, _melons_ were very abundant within this small area of civilization because it was what the villagers _cultivated_ the most. Nearly every little roadside _fruit-stand_ had more _melons_ on them than _lemons_. Even the most popular _dish_ within Sueville was _melon-pie_. Villagers had been _growing _and_ harvesting_ _melons_ for so many years that they developed _artificial methods_ to _increase_ both the _yield_ and the _size_ of the fruit. Despite being frowned upon by most other members of the Outworld society, Sueville's _melons_ still retained their _texture_,_ shape_ and _delectable taste_.

Oh yes...

"Do I know you?" the Shaolin warrior queried once the girl recovered herself from the hardened panting. At the question, pain flashed within the youth's eyes, tears threatening to form.

"You don't remember me?" she demanded, taking a sudden step forward and grabbing the man's shoulders weakly. "Lao... how... how could you forget your own fiancée?"

Kung Lao was caught off guard. All he could do in that moment was silently stare at the stranger in pure bewilderment.

"Lao! You're back!" another voice suddenly erupted from out of nowhere and within the moment, there was another woman with _melons_ up in front of his face, pushing the first one away. "I've always waited for when you'd be back! Now we can get married like it was decided from our childhoods!"

"Lady, I-I don't even..." the monk stuttered, trembling as he took cautious steps away from the gathering crowd. He failed to notice the few men that had also arrived on the scene, trying to remind the Sues that it was them that they had fallen in love with. But apparently, it seemed as if the women completely reprogrammed their history upon the arrival of Kung Lao, forgetting the broken hearted men whom they had initially ensnared in their web of passion.

Oh and a unicorn pooped on some random villager.

"Teacher! I've completely mastered the Five Elders technique in less than an hour! You are truly handsome – I mean, amazing, Teacher!"

"We were married in our past lives, and I know its you, Rocky Xinfu! I didn't realise that it was you until I set my eyes upon you! Don't you remember me, Rocky?"

"I'm the goddess of love. Generally I show mortals true love, but this time, it's a pleasant surprise that I've fallen in love with you."

"My nam is Ebonny n im Stalinist. If ur not goffick n ur a prep den fuk u but i relli wnt 2 put ur relly big thingy in myy 'u-no-wut' coz ur hot!i can als o speks japnz...!

"This is the Sword of Lust. With its help I have been purging the souls of many a men from the evils that corrupt their souls, but for that, they must commit just one more sin in my presence. And this time, mortal, the Sword has chosen you."

By this time, the pressure was unbearable and Lao was already sweating like a trapped animal surrounded by these vivacious beauties. Frozen, frightened and confused beyond all levels that exist, the spirit of his ancestor, the Great Kung Lao, finally came to jerk him back to his senses. The dead warrior hovered above the unknowing females, using a comb to fashion his blonde-dyed hair.

"Better run, kid," he whistled.

And that was exactly what Kung Lao did.

And that was exactly what the Sues did as well.

The stampede followed him down the street, gathering more admiring females wherever the monk passed by. Eyes tearing, Lao turned through every corner, every market, jumped into countless of estates just to make them lose his tail, but they kept pressing, claiming their false love-lives with him with due enthusiasm. In his panic, the only legitimate thing that came to his mind was help. Making his way towards the other end of the village, the Shaolin pacifist made a break for the inn where Kitana was sound asleep.

But luck would obviously fail him. Who could escape from the vile clutches of the Sue anyway?

"Kung Lao?" the girl asked, blinking several times when the said man stopped dead during his sprint when she came up. The familiar brown hair, the colourless eyes and the glowing yellow that adorned her body... yup... Lao just stumbled upon the last person he needed to see.

Hellflame.

"What's going on?" she demanded, cocking her head to the right at first but then immediately snapped it back up when the horde of females appeared behind him. Hellflame paused for a fleeting second before taking up position, kunai drawn and a hand upon Kung Lao to push him back behind her. "I'll protect you. Don't worry about it."

At least two metres of distance separated the kunoichi and the other girls before their faces suddenly twisted in disgust and they cried out "EWW!" in unison. The next minute, the street was had been completely deserted, leaving Hellflame and the monk in the unknown.

"Why would they...?" Lao had wondered, but a hand that clapped onto his shoulder prevented him from saying anything further. He turned around, skin turning white as snow when he set eyes upon the horrid face of his 'saviour'.

"Hey, Kung Lao!" Havik cried out. The Shaolin squinted not long before his eyes travelled down and became fixed upon the Cleric's neck. "Oh yeah... Stapled mah head back together after that little mishap... But it makes me look like a sexbomb!"

The deformed man looked over his comrade's shoulder to see the shocked female standing behind him.

"How you doin'?" he purred at which the confused girl grunted in uncertainty before replying with "I go by Hellflame."

Took Havik a while to work his poor math skills and see the connection between her yellow Ninja uniform and her retarded name.

His uncanny little fart was all the talk he needed.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to **natashaheisenburg**, **Binary and Trance**, **Midnight Shadow Girl**, **mcgormanp**, **MortalKombatProdigy99** and **Shortchannel4** for taking the time to review this humble little story.

**Binary and Trance** I completely understand your deep-seated resentment of Kitana, but I'd like to counter the argument by saying that she's one of my favourite characters. Not because of her Sue-ish personality, but because she hasn't received due justice regarding her character. I think every MK fan remembers how awesome Kitana was back in the second game because she was tilting between the good side and the bad. After UMK3, things just went downhill for her and MK 2011 completely disregarded her initial vicious personality. That's why, if you've noticed, I've reformed her character in the story 'Damnation' for the sake of exploring her "Mileena side". Oh, and HI!

**mcgormanp** There's no denying the fact that Baraka's the punching-bag of the MK universe, coming only second to Reptile. But not to worry, my friend. I'll try to treat him better in later chaps. And if you're thinking, "Gee... didn't he die?" well you're forgetting this is Mortal Kombat. Cheers!


	6. Rule 4

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that's not mine.

* * *

Rule #4 – Bio Kard

_So you've got the setting, you've got the characters together and it all fits together in an environment that suits your taste. This is THE perfect time to finally reveal the tragic life story of you OC, gain her the attention of the interested party and establish unlimited amounts of respect for her. Simply that she had had a rough life and so she deserves the high status endowed upon her. But remember, the Sue's nature is perfect in its essence, so she's a modest little piece of shit as well._

_For her vignette, copy-paste shit from Naruto, How I Met Your Mother, Supernatural and other people's creative fan fictions. Never – and I mean NEVER – be creative yourself! Even if you want to do fanart of your Sue, draw on creepy bases with MS Paint or trace and edit screen caps from **~*KAWAII DESU*~** anime._

_If someone trolls you, have your whiteknight shitheads slay the demon at your command while you BAAWWW about it like the butthurt cunt you are._

_Have fun, you waste of human life! :)_

* * *

"What are you doing in the Outworld?" she demanded. Lao, lips pursed, pushed down upon his hat to keep it from falling off and claiming an innocent soul. He was quite not used to being cradled in a woman's arms as she would leap from building to building, several stories up into the air.

Unbeknownst to many, the monk had a mild phobia for heights which had him rendered completely incapable of speech at the moment. Sweat drenching his pale skin, all he could do was clutch onto the fabric of her already scanty dress like an infant orangutan would cling to its mother. Bile would push up into his throat with every jump and descend sharply back into the stomach just as Hellflame would gracefully land on her feet. What was most harrowing for the Shaolin, however, was being pressed against her untamed breasts, bouncing around as if each individual swell of flesh had a mind of its own.

Yes.

This was the worst week of his life.

Hands down.

"Are you okay? You don't look-" she had thankfully blessed an old street with her dainty feet when Kung Lao turned his head sideways and heaved his lunch. She gently released hold of him and let him crouch near the sidewalk to make the act of vomiting easier. He picked himself up after he was done; retrieving an old handkerchief he kept tucked in his belt and wiped the leftovers off his chin, relief washing over him now that he had emptied his bowel's contents. "I'm sorry… I should've been a little more careful with you…"

He waved a hand as a means of a kind gesture and shakily got to his feet.

"I think this is where you checked in, right?" she asked. Lao, though confused how this random stranger whom he had never before met in his life knew where he had set up abode, nodded his head. He tried to murmur a weak "Yes" which the kunoichi's sharp ears were thankfully able to catch.

"You rest inside," she had said, massaging his back with one hand that promptly caused the monk to freeze up. "There's a drugstore I saw on the way; I'll grab some healing herbs and mix up some nice tea for you, okay?"

He tried hard to tell her to stop, but it seemed all his energy had been utilized when he first answered her. The Shaolin only watched the woman perform a very silly hand gesture and disappear in a burst of fire.

Did she just say "Kajutsu"?

Kajutsu would translate to "fire-style", but used like that it wouldn't make shit-worth of sense.

Lao scratched his chin.

He decided to recycle his thoughts for another time: nothing made sense to him these days anyway. What he needed – _really_ needed – was just a nice long nap. And if he was lucky, maybe when he would wake up he'd be back at the Wu Shi Academy, thinking all of this was just a terrible dream. Climbing the steps to his floor, he smiled weakly, understanding that a dream this vivid couldn't possibly be something his mind would conjure on its own. He knew that the only thing good out of a nap would be the energy he would recover for the days that lay ahead.

Oh how he hated his life right now.

He turned the doorknob, bliss washing over him at the sight of the unoccupied bed, the sheets neatly straightened, the inviting pillows fluffed and tucked away under the duvet. It was as if cherubs descended down from heaven to bestow all their gifts and well-wishes upon the lovely, cozy bed. He sighed like a man would when he would truly fall in love, his feet seemingly floating as he entered through the door way.

**BAM!**

He graced the hard wooden floor, his world spinning out of control and a voice ringing in his throbbing head. He thought he had groaned, after all, he was unable to even hear himself over the painful whistle in his ears, his numb hands absentmindedly reaching for his head. His knuckles bumped into a metallic surface – the rim of his galero – perhaps the only thing that saved him from a quick death. His vision, though blurred, flashed between pale colors that he couldn't make any sense of. Through the ringing he heard a voice, a name being called out.

His name.

"Ah come on…! Don't die on me, man…! How am I gonna explain this to Raiden?"

He groaned again; this time it was audible to him over the receding bells that sounded in his head. He found he was already on his feet, though still dangling from the arm the woman had placed underneath his biceps. A hand went up to his head again, toppling the galero off to let him feel for any gashes or cut to his head. He let out a pained sigh as he was lowered onto the bed, though thankful that he couldn't feel any real wound; he had seen the dent in his hat. If he wouldn't have been wearing the gear, that ditch could have been ingrained into his skull right now.

"But you kinda deserved it though. You ran off on me when I told you to keep your shit straight."

It was the woman's voice, once again, to his disbelief, blaming him for the ambush.

"Kitana…?" he panted, squinting to clear his vision. Her face was clearer now, the mask guising her face yet never managing to quite withhold the spark of obnoxiousness in her eyes. He lunged towards her on wobbly feet, fingers splayed out to make his attempts at latching on to her throat successful. She irked a small "Hey!" before he grabbed on, only to lose balance and fall back upon the mattress, bringing her along with him.

"It's me, you fool!" she exclaimed, ignorant that he intended to kill _her_.

"What is wrong with you?" he wheezed, eyes half-lidded as he retained a standing position once again when Kitana had gotten up as well. "You damned harpy!"

"_Harpy_?" she cried out, appalled. "You callin' me a _harpy,_ pantywaist?"

She quickly took back her words when the monk bent down and scooped up the dented hat in his hands.

"Now hold on a minute there Casanova… let's take it easy-" he didn't allow her to finish her sentence before hurling the weapon her way. It was a good thing for her though that he wasn't exactly in top condition that the toss was sluggish and off target. The hat whirled right out the window and into the streets, the sound of bone being sawed accompanied by countless of terrified screams lifted from the streets below. "You tryin' to kill me?"

He wobbled towards her like a lecherous drunkard, hands trying to reach for the throat once again but this time, the advance was unsuccessful. The woman slapped his arms back down to his sides and took a hold of his nose, forcing him to retreat where she pushed him. The back of his knees met the bedpost, causing him to fall onto something softer than the ground this time. He blinked in surprise as the Edenian brought her face down to his, the tip of her nose nearly brushing against the tip of his, eyes narrowed in a frighteningly menacing glare.

"You have the mind to be a complete ass in this matter and if I find you misbehaving again, I won't restrain myself from hurting you…" this was the first time Kung Lao had seen her more serious side, and on a personal note, he wasn't very fond of it. He gulped, finding it terrifyingly ironic that he had hoped all this time that Kitana would take on a more professional attitude towards the mission, and when she was flashing him a hint of her grizzly side, he was already praying that she revert back to normal. Or whatever was considered 'normal' in her case.

He licked his suddenly parched lips, fighting to gulp that invisible ball back down his throat.

"S-sorry…" he managed, though well aware that the apology was meant to come from her. Silence passed between the two and the woman did not pull away from him, leaving the man to drench himself in cold sweat. In that time, he got to take a real good look of her eyes and he wasn't enjoying it. They were heartless, cold and full of malice; Lao imagined that he could see his own death in her eyes. He gulped again when that ball pushed farther up his throat, threatening to escape as a pathetic, frightened little whimper.

"Good…" she stated, leaning away and handing him his comfort zone back. In pieces, yes, but at least he had his personal bubble wasn't being invaded anymore.

He pushed himself up in a sitting position, a hand wiping off the moisture off his brow and eyes wandering to avoid making eye contact with his temporary partner. Thinking of being replaced by whomever Kitana had called for seemed like a better idea to him already, especially after this whole ordeal.

"Ahem…" another female voice coughed, sourcing from the entrance to which the Princess and the Monk both diverted their attentions to. Lao froze up seeing the yellow-garbed female warrior, a few shrubs and leaves in her hand and her lashes lowered as if she had stumbled upon something awkward. The Shaolin knew why. Sweat coated his exposed skin and his hair fell upon his face from Kitana's assault, not to mention he was still fatigued regarding the entire incident. And Kitana, her hair too mangled when he tried to choke her to death, had just recovered herself from leaning over Kung Lao… who had been lying on the bed.

"How did you get here…?" Kitana demanded, dumbstruck and fearful for reasons more practical than what Kung Lao had assumed. In fact, Hellflame's presence was a good hint that their cover might have been blown. The Princess nearly jumped when she heard the Monk howl; by the time she turned around, he had fled to the bathroom. The Edenian gazed on at the hallway from which echoed the sound of a door being slammed shut and then towards their target.

Oh no.

He better hadn't…

"LAO!" she called strictly as she followed after him.

Curses, curses and more curses. Though Kung Lao would never utter them out loud, he still decided upon beating on himself mentally. He heard his partner call his name, footsteps thudding against the floorboards of the hallway that led to the bathroom. Her resounding voice made it even harder for him to piece back his resolve and hopefully put the embarrassing misconceptions behind him. But how could he? How would he ever be able to convince Hellflame that she had gotten the wrong idea, if he so ever be able to muster the courage of directing the issue in the first place? He pressed his fists to his eyes, producing a frustrated growl.

It was official.

Worst.

Week.

Ever.

A loud crack emanated from the now ajar bathroom door, a large chunk of wood as well as the knob in Kitana's hands. By the looks of her face, she really hadn't taken into account the gist of her strength when trying to pry it open. Hellflame stood right behind her, wisely ignoring the anomaly and instead giving the monk a worried look.

"Leave me alone!" he warded off the two women, especially directing the statement towards Kitana. "I want no part in this mission of yours! I want to stay away from you as far as possible!"

As if in defiance to his words, the Princess took a strong leap towards him and pressed a palm over his mouth.

"STOP GIVING EVERYTHING AWAY!" she screamed. Lao was frozen still, appalled that the woman still had the daring to touch him after the whole fiasco much rather than frightened of her fury. For a split second, everything came to a silent stand still; a fuming Kitana trying to salvage what remained of their cover, a frightened, guilty feeling Hellflame and in the middle of it all was him. A poor little monk, ravaged by gorgeous women he knew he had to stay away from, and all the while harboring the simple desire to go back home – to the Academy – and sleep his trauma away.

"I'm sorry!" interjected the unfamiliar female, striding close enough towards the two so as to break up the squabble. Kitana immediately sidestepped behind Lao and, holding him by his arms, used him as a meat shield against the Sue. Thank goodness Hellflame didn't understand the gesture. "I should've knocked before coming in but all the screaming… I thought there was a fight going on!"

Hearing her words allowed Lao a moment to breathe a sigh of relief, the knowledge that there was a good chance to clear any… 'misunderstandings'… comforting him. But like all the countless of times Kitana had twisted situations for the worst, she did the exact same thing then and there.

"Fight?" the Princess demanded with an air of artificial awe, hopelessly ignorant of the pleading glances Kung Lao sent her way. "Oh, we weren't fighting! Why would we fight? Why'd you think that? Kung Lao, were we fighting?"

She pulled a hand over his shoulder in an attempt to look like it was a casual 'buddy-hug' and stared into his eyes as she asked the question. The hold itself made him weak and powerless when confronted by the Edenian, leaving him to feel suffocated when she came this close. His muscles stiffened when he sensed the warmth of her breasts pressing against his chest, her cruel eyes scrutinizing him, telling him to go along with it.

The words became trapped in his throat, so much that not even a dismayed moan could escape his lips.

"We weren't fighting," the woman in blue implied, taking his pathetic silence as approval. "We were just… uh…"

And she just successfully made it worse than it was before.

"I understand," Hellflame said with a raise of her palm. "I don't have any business here butting into what goes on between you two."

A tear rolled down the monk's cheek.

"If you want, I'll be leaving in a -" the pleasant young ninja offered before she was cut off by the incessant whining of the new comer who came to stand at the bathroom door. Kitana immediately loosened her embrace to stare dumbfounded at Havik, Lao's bladed hat protruding from his chest and blood (abnormal amounts of blood) spurting all over the floor boards.

"Anyone have a bandaid?" he demanded, panting with exhaustion before collapsing to the ground from the blood loss and the excruciating pain. The young lady gasped in horror before kneeling to the ground and removing the weapon from the near dead Cleric's ribs, leaving Kitana to gape. That awkward silence finally resumed its reign for another brief period, with only the sounds of stifled whimpers coming from Hellflame filling in the gap. Two minutes later, Kitana turned to Lao, taking a hold of his collar.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!"

* * *

If the ninja's surprising healing abilities hadn't pulled Havik back from the jaws of death, Kung Lao would have slowly faded away with guilt. He refused to wear his hat, even though Hellflame had cleaned it for him with some wipes, nor did he pass a disapproving look towards Kitana who muttered secretively that the Sue would have left them alone if Havik didn't come bleeding all over the floor. Despite the fact the silly Cleric was already on his feet, vigorous as ever, and raiding the fridge for some eats, Lao dare not let the sadness lift from his shoulders.

"Its alright, Lao…!" Hellflame comforted him where the Princess of Edenia wouldn't. "He's healthy as a horse; you don't have to feel bad about a little accident…!"

"Except your help wasn't needed anyway since nothing can kill the asshole," Kitana commented, pouting like a disgruntled twelve-year old in the corner.

Hellflame returned a smug glare, a grin tugging at her veil.

"Oh please, can't I do without the jealous bitching for _one_ day?"

The retort was flung into the air and Kitana was left speechless. Her mouth formed a perfect little 'O' that sadly didn't produce any insult to put the Sue back in her place. So to say, anyone in the Edenian's position wouldn't have the slightest clue what to do in the situation. Assuming a random, extremely gorgeous girl walks up to your sick friend and sympathizes with him to the extent you feel that her generosity is what makes the beauty in her truly shine. And then you say, out of courtesy, that she needed not to worry as you have the situation in control. That is where she tells you maybe it's your ugly face the reason your friend is so sick and you are just left gaping. The feeling you get right there, murderous rage coupled with revulsion and dismayed shock… that was what Kitana was feeling.

Even Kung Lao didn't know what to say, surprised where the sudden hostility came from any way.

"What in hell just happened?" Havik queried, a can of Sprite in one hand and two pizza slices in the other. "I mean, I'm the Cleric of Chaos and all, but even I know that was unwarranted."

No one had an answer ready for the strange man besides perhaps Hellflame, but she did not seem too intent on explaining herself as she was busy gloating on her pride. At that moment, Kung Lao was sure Kitana would go ballistic; if calling her a harpy rubbed her the wrong way then surely she would fly into a raging frenzy when a complete stranger out of nowhere would talk to her like that. The Edenian's anger was something not to be ignored, especially when dark matter seeped through her skin and created a black puddle around her feet.

The monk was already on his feet, ready to jump into the line of fire.

"Eh…" Kitana grumbled and turned away, folding her arms across her chest.

The puddle then collected in the form of a tiny blob that slid away, squeaking out in glee of its freedom. Watching the glob speed by, the Cleric chased after it and disappeared for the remaining week. The Shaolin was left dumbstruck on a whole new level, left to question why the Princess simply shrugged off the retort. Not that he knew that it was a good thing she didn't explode and take the little town with her, but why did she suppress all that anger when confronted by some unknown teenage girl?

Was Kitana afraid of Hellflame? Or was she careful not to tread the wrong way with her?

Was she so fearsome that she could keep Kitana's temper in check?

"Are you easy now, Lao?" Hellflame questioned him, her voice returning to it melodious chirp that had him all the more perplexed.

"Uh…" he dawdled, honestly at a lack for words. And seeing Kitana ignore the two like they merely shadows cast by the furniture made him feel even more awkward in the ninja's close presence. She had a comforting hand placed upon his shoulders that otherwise sent a chill down his spine; he thought hard for a change of topic that would somehow get the girl off his case and away from her. It hadn't been a moment too soon when he remembered who Hellflame was here for in the first place. "Where's Scorpion? Wasn't he supposed to be with you?"

She giggled.

"Yeah, he was, though I don't know how you know that," she answered, moving towards the bed and settling down upon it. Lao wanted so much to finally breathe a sigh of relief now that Hellflame was away from him, but when she questioned how he came to know of their little alliance, he was drenching in cold sweat again. Even Kitana had been rustled out of her state of denial and now she sat shooting death glares his way for another go at blowing their cover. He couldn't even wave her back in reassurance. "He was supposed to complete a contract with an employer, so he left me to my own devices."

"He's a very cold man…" she continued, massaging the back of her hand in discomfort. "Has he always been this way?"

"Y-yeah… I guess…" Lao replied, not having even listened to her query correctly.

"Hmm… I don't blame him," Hellflame said, staring into her lap. "It's enough to drive a man insane but… there's always a way through. I lost my parents when I was six…"

Her voice was faint, but Lao was sure Kitana had mumbled "Here we go…", and considering she was rolling her eyes.

"Well… when I was alive that is… but my life had been nothing short of hell either way. All that grueling training, all those years I spent becoming a master assassin so that I could avenge the death of my parents. And then, when I turned thirteen, the Shirai Ryu personally called for me to join their ranks as a deadly warrior of the night."

Kitana scoffed and thankfully, only Lao could hear her.

"They said my skill was vital to legacy of the Shirai Ryu and so they arranged for me to join in coitus to their most revered assassin to ensure the lineage of supreme warriors continue, even though he already had a bride…"

"Wait," Lao halted her, slightly aware of where this was going. "You mean to say…?"

"Yes…" she replied in the affirmative. "I am destined to be Scorpion's bedmate…"

An awkward silence settled in the room, with Lao and Kitana too ashamed of the whole ordeal to even exchange knowing glances. With eyes wide open, they stared at the walls, trying hard to keep their faces straight and avoiding the horror from seeping through. Moments lingered on like centuries were passing by, each individual besides the kunoichi herself, screaming in their minds for just somebody, anybody, even friggin' Havik to come to rescue. No one came for their aid. No one came to disrupt the silence. They didn't even have the power to change the topic.

Lao heard Kitana's chair scrape against the floor as she stood up and walked out of the apartment, leaving him trapped for good.

"I know it's a little crazy…" she sighed.

A LITTLE?

OH GEE, IMA GUESS IT AIN'T SO AWKWARD THAT YOU'RE TAGGING A DUDE OVER A DECADE OLDER THAN YOU JUST SO HE CAN FUCK YOUR UNDERAGE CUNT, AMIRITE?

DON'T FUCKING LAUGH! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!

**THIS! ISN'T! FUNNY!**

"It's all predetermined… but… he doesn't even remember me…" she shared, now shifting her gaze from her lap to the frozen monk. "How am I supposed to fulfill what fate wants of me when he refuses to recognize me?"

Silent once again, Lao blinked – several times – yet no answer came to him. Her moist pleading eyes bore into him and he knew that he wouldn't be able to withstand the torture if something wasn't done immediately.

"I need a moment," he excused himself and then girl looked back at her folded hands, quietly acknowledging his request. The Shaolin turned around and walked towards the entrance.

He sluggishly turned the knob and pried it wide open, stepping outside where Kitana leaned next to the wall, giving the stone-faced monk an awkward look. Shutting the door behind him, he heaved a weak sigh and returned the Edenian a glance. The two stood silently staring at each other for long moments, somehow understanding the thoughts of the other as no word passed between the two. And then, when it became just too unbearable, the monk strode towards her and buried his face in her neck, crying.

She stroked his back to comfort him.

"Don't worry, this'll all be over soon…" she shushed him, knowing what a bad liar she was.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to **mcgormanp** (Ho, you changed your pen-name I see...), **Binary and Trance**, **natashaheisenburg**,** BlizzardxThexIcexWolf** and** xVentressx** for taking the time to review.

**BlizzardxThexIcexWolf**: I'm sorry, I've never read Twilight and never even came near the movies. But you do have a point about cannon Sues (i.e. Kitana in Mortal Kombat), which is why I LOVE doing the above to them.


	7. Rule 5

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that's not mine.

* * *

Rule #5 – Scape Goat

_WAIT! Does your love interest – I mean your Sue's love interest already have a girlfriend/fiancée/wife? No worries! This is YOUR fan fiction and YOU, dear Suethor, have the complete power to eradicate that pesky cannon. Most Suethors completely disregard the relationship but if you want those glowing reviews to keep rolling in, you'd want justify why your love interest – I mean you Sue's love interest is now single and up for grabs._

_For that, the best method is to either completely humiliate that slutty cannon or kill her off or both - just to make her death all the more painful and unimportant to all other cannon characters. But if you just can't bear with having to make anyone go through all that torture (being the good guy you are), you can humiliate that bitchy cannon and reform her so that in the end she holds genuine or grudging respect for your OC!_

* * *

"She left?" Lao wondered out loud in uncomfortable surprise, the window of their apartment wide open to let in the subtle breeze to sway the curtains. His partner lumbered behind him, hands clasping his shoulders in obvious attempt to use him as a shield even though the source of her fear seemed to have left long ago. The Monk, ignorant of Kitana's distress, moved towards the window and popped his head out in hopes of catching a glimpse of the yellow-garbed Kunoichi. He didn't spot the Sue however all the other Sues roaming about the streets below did see him and began calling his name, groaning like a swarm of cats in heat.

Wearing a lopsided frown upon his face as he ducked his head back in, pulled the window panel down and closed the curtains. He carefully unlatched the trembling fingers that hung at his collar to free himself, requesting the traumatized woman to settle down in a chair before she lost balance and injured herself. Helping her into a chair, the Shaolin couldn't help but roll his eyes at how unnecessarily dramatic the Princess was being. Hellflame was gone wasn't she? What was there to cause her such insurmountable fear that she had to act like she walked in on Bo' Rai Cho naked? Kung Lao shuddered as a little snippet of memory surfaced without his consent of the time he had made that exact mistake. He couldn't talk coherently without babbling some gibberish and then breaking down into tears for a week.

"Come to think of it, that's not the worst I've ever heard," he wondered out loud and the slightly less catatonic Kitana raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Hellflame, I mean," he explained. "I mean… it _is_ a sad life, don't you think? And the poor girl doesn't even mean any harm. I think all she needs is a little help…"

Kitana stared at him like he had kicked a puppy, though in reality if he actually would've driven his foot into a pup he wouldn't have sparked any protest from the woman. In fact, she would've have commended him for his act or otherwise tell him his execution was flawed and provide a correct example. Anyway, the point is that if she were a normal human being, the look on Kitana's face at present would be the same as when Kung Lao – hypothetically – would kick a puppy.

"No," the order sounded more like a desperate plea and she rose from her seat, hands grasping his collar yet again. "No, no, no, no, no, no…"

She pushed him back till he met the edge of the bed and fell into the covers, the Princess whispering a long string of 'No's as she gathered the ends of the sheets and proceeded to wrap the Monk in them. Confused by this evidently ill behavior, Lao simply wore a look of awkward bewilderment as she wove him his cocoon.

"You stay here," she told him, voice shaking and brows stitching at the apex as the worried Edenian finished off her… whatever she was doing by putting a pillow underneath his head, and turned around to the door, walking as if she were to be hanged. He easily unwound himself from the wrap and leapt off the bed.

"No wait, where are you going?" he asked.

"I am GOING to get HELP," she punctuated her dialogue rather profoundly, whipping around so she could stab a finger in Kung Lao's chest. Lips pursed, all he did was silently listen to her deranged banter and wonder in bewilderment how quickly panic had made her face seem so aged; a shadow fell under her eyes and her hair seemed rather misplaced, as if she had just gotten out of bed after a nightmare-induced sleep. What if her fear for this Mary Sue was justified? What was so horrific about Hellflame that the mere thought of her had robbed Kitana of what remained of her sanity?

Then were his doubts true? Was Hellflame really a hideous beast underneath that beautiful exterior?

Well, beautiful by popular definition; she really wasn't Lao's type. He preferred his women quiet and gentle, delicate and utterly helpless against the world, a woman who would want nothing more than for him to protect her, to be beside her. Plus D-cups were a real turnoff. Maybe some perky B-cups ought to do it and a slightly long neck so he'd have enough room to hook on the shoulders and BAD THOUGHTS BAD THOUGHTS BAD THOUGHTS!

"… and just randomly blurts out her tragic lifestory to two complete strangers?! What the fuck was up with that?!" the Edenian concluded her rant, finally allowing her the time to squeeze some precious air into her lungs. Venting out did the job of slightly elevating her discomfort though she did feel drained. She sighed so that her breaths would return to their normal pace and fixed her gaze upon the Monk who looked like he was in terrible pain. Her eyes travelled down to the loin-cloth he held down tightly, his knees bent together like he was trying to perform a strange diminutive of a curtsy. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing!" he replied without a moment of hesitation, unable to hide the blush in his cheeks as his hands were too busy concealing a rather obscene gesture from the woman. Thank Buddha she was a complete imbecile! "You just go and do what you were talking about…!"

She paused to give him a stare, a long, confused stare that hoped to somehow uncover an answer if she could somehow look into his soul but found none. Or maybe she just found him stupid-looking: it all depends on how one would interpret it given the differing point of views. She headed back to the door, hesitantly, and shut it behind her to leave the monk safe within the quarters of their rented abode.

Lao heaved a sigh of relief, straightening himself into a more relaxed position and then lifted the decent patch of fabric that hid his unwanted guest. It hadn't done that before, not since he had been educated in controlling and suppressing any wrong tendencies. He grimaced, knowing full well that he had failed as a student.

"Worst monk everrrrr…" the spirit of his ancestor, the Great Kung Lao, chimed in which prompted the said 'Monk' to bury his face in his hands.

Officially.

Worst.

Week.

Ever.

* * *

She leaped from building to building using her ninjastic skills of shadow-running(?), her breasts gianaxing like there was a juicy tsumani within each swell of flesh. Despite the limited support – and not to mention protection – her garbs provided her, her wild and free knockers remained fairly decent throughout her journey. Spotting the familiar architecture of that one specific building, she maneuvered down the hanging street-lamps and wooden overhang shades to come at a stop at the entrance of the inn. She pushed the door open and stepped within the gloomy, dimly lit atmosphere of the pub. It was empty save for the bartender polishing his glassware and her accomplice, seated by a bare table with his feet up.

"I knew you'd be late," growled the Spectre without offering her the courtesy to at least meet her gaze while he would berate her. She remained silent, nibbling on her lip in both shame and respectful fear. But he didn't rise from his chair to discipline her with a blow to the stomach. He didn't raise his voice and revel in how she shrunk from the sting of his words. He just sat there, disappointed. "I told you not to run off wherever and have Quan Chi's goons tear you to pieces…"

"I was… just meeting up with a friend…" she began and took a meek step towards him, feeling slightly more confident in the warmth that always emitted from the Shirai Ryu the closer she came to him. She bit her lip again, albeit more out of embarrassment this time when naughty thoughts concerning the Shaolin Monk she just met invaded her mind. As she got closer, she took note that her partner was without his mask and – even more shocking – no longer under the damning effects of his curse. "You're… alive?"

"It appears so…" the man responded, barely able to whisper the words while he was too busy contemplating the absurdity of the situation. "My face is not as I remember it… it is spotless and quite womanly as opposed to the scar-ridden man I used to see in a mirror before my murder."

"Even my hair appears to have grown longer," he added, letting his smooth, silky, waist-length chocolate hair slip out from his fingers. "The people here gave me a name… a… what was it called?"

"A bishie?" Hellflame provided, her jaw hanging loosely by the hinges when she set eyes upon the delicious features of her escort.

"Yes, a bishie!" Scorpion declared. "They kept calling me that…"

Hellflame nodded as she took up a seat beside her hunky supposed-fiancé, elbows propped up on the table and her chin resting in her palms. For a moment, the light suddenly faded from her eyes when she thought about the dream she bumped into earlier: Kung Lao. Yes, she admitted to herself, she was madly and truly in love with him but her duty lay in courting the elusive Ninja who sat right in front of her and bear the only legacy that would save her clan. She looked up at her handsome fellow Shirai Ryu, releasing a dismayed sigh.

This was one tough choice.

* * *

Drinking was the best option right now. Okay, it was actually the worst but given her state of mind, booze was her only mode of escape from the nightmare she landed herself into. What was she thinking, dragging her unwilling accomplice into the very nest of those bodacious monsters? This was where the Sues were strongest, surrounded by their ever adoring kin and their brain-washed lovers. What chance did she, an educated, ill-mannered and uncivilized Princess of a shit realm that gets conquered every weekend, have against an army of human perfection?

Well, at least the wine here was good, she thought to herself as she swallowed an entire pitcher in one go. The stuff in Sueville was always good quality and available at the cheapest rates in all of the realms – how else would those specific obnoxious prats who are born without any riches get all that crazy stuff in the first place? Some get things for free because they're usually so beautiful it'll be unfair to make them pay. And right now, Kitana was the least pretty thing amidst the crowd of goddesses and their lovestruck mates and so had to pay the full price for the drinks.

Great, one thing good she manages to pick out about this town and it immediately transforms into yet another reason to make her even more miserable than she was right now. But she carried enough koins to waste and would do so until she choked on the wine. She brought the pitcher to her lips for another swig.

A unicorn galloping through the sky relieved its bladder just as it passed above her, drenching the woman in its multicolored piss. She stopped just short of gulping down the wine and spit it out, the group of Sues and their lovers bursting into laughter at the sight. Wiping the urine that strangely smelled of cherries, she fished her pocket for some currency that she slapped down on the counter and got up to leave.

"Hey," she heard a female voice call out to her in the distance and she slowly turned around, disgruntled and definitely not in the mood to take anyone's shit right now. The one who called out to her was a (inb4 boobs) large breasted girl with baby-blue hair and wearing a frilly yellow dress that complimented her body. A pair of wings too small to carry her weight protruded from her back and she held a small wand within her delicate fingers. Right behind her was another girl who strongly resembled the first, although this one had strawberry-pink hair and wore a matching dress. "I'm sorry for what happened back there…"

The blue-haired one lunged forward and locked a bewildered Kitana in a tight embrace. The other one followed suit and the Edenian found herself sandwiched between the two. The one with the yellow dress looked up, her multicolored eyes sparkling with her own tears and her already rosy cheeks flushed red. And then, she stood herself on her tiptoes, her puckered lips trying to reach for the Princess's frightened scowl.

Kitana punched her in the nose, though doing little damage to the fairy-thing and instead breaking her own hand. She reeled back, nursing her crunched knuckles as she let out a very painful "OW!", but her actions had mercifully gained her some distance from the lesbian-Sues. Turning on her heel, she quickly fled from the scene.

What the hell was going on here? Why the hell did her luck suddenly drop into complete oblivion? She looked over her shoulder as she ran, finding those two hadn't followed after her, but the revelation did nothing to put her at ease, and neither did the fact that she had collided into a very soft and warm wall. She landed on her bottom and when the shock subsided she cast a glance at the said "wall", finding it to be none other than…

"Hellflame?" the Princess announced her name, much to the annoyance of the yellow-garbed woman who rolled her eyes in distaste. The Edenian picked herself off the ground, her mind spinning, unable to conjure an explanation for all that was happening here. Was it a coincidence running into Hellflame covered in urine and traumatized by a near-rape situation? Things are never a coincidence with Sues, she told herself as realization slowly began to dawn upon her.

Rule #5.

Rule #5 was in play here and still the Edenian couldn't make heads or tails of the situation. What reason did Hellflame have for disliking her? There was no connection between her and the Spectre and since he was the Sue's decided target, there were zero possibilities of Kitana trying to ruin the romance. Did she catch on? Did Hellflame figure out she and Kung Lao were there to kill her?

Her eyes became wide as horror seized her.

"Stay away from him!" Kitana exclaimed with enough flare to set a house on fire. In fact, the vicious energy within her released a spark that set a nearby building alight, though a Pokemon Sue quickly had it put out with her Articuno. Hellflame was aware of who she meant and her white eyes narrowed into apprehensive little slits.

"You can't tell me what to do, _slut_!" came the retort that did little to faze the raging Princess. "If my heart tells me Kung Lao is the one then no one can stop me!"

"Your heart is as dead as Liu Kang!" Kitana snapped back. "You barely have enough room for one with your J-cups taking up space!"

"Oho! A little jealous here, are we?"

"Look I ain't here to bicker about you, okay?" the Edenian made a chopping motion as a gesture to dismiss the whole situation. "I'm gonna tell you this once and only once, if it's good enough to get through to your thick skull: _stay away from Kung Lao_. You got that?"

"Why?" Hellflame demanded and Kitana had no answer to give.

Really, what could she say to keep the Sue away from acquiring Kung Lao? Should the Princess lie to her that she was his lover? There was no point in that: in the end, without any cannon interests or a wife he must have kept mum about, there was no way of saving the monk. Scorpion would have been an entirely different case; he had that chance because he sought revenge in the name of his family. And a family meant a woman and a child. The Ninja had a family to go back to, but Lao? What would keep Hellflame from making him say "I do" in that typical lovestruck tone of a man robbed of his freedom by a dangerous Sue?

Kitana was at a dead end.

As if right on cue, another unicorn found it necessary to empty its bladder upon the Princess as it darted through the skies. The female Shirai Ryu's cold and mocking laughter was expected and the other woman, while seething, wiped the urine from her eyes yet again. This time it smelled like fresh mangoes.

"Okay…" the blue-garbed Princess sighed in defeat, all the anger that had once taken control of her dissipating. "You got a point. Why the hell should I stop you from doing whatever it is you wanna do to him?"

The fire in Hellflame's eyes too disappeared and now began to glimmer with insurmountable glee. She lunged forward and clasped Kitana's hands in hers, jumping up and down, her boobs also expressing their joy by bouncing with her as well. A high pitched squeal caused the other woman to wince painfully before the excitement finally subsided and Hellflame expressed her gratitude to the Edenian.

"Look… I'm not sure about this, okay?" Kitana warned, wrenching her hands free from the attentive Shirai Ryu, whose eyes furrowed together in confusion. The Princess sighed wearily, massaging her temples with her gloved fingers as she went through her new plan over and over again in her head: it was a messy job and frankly even she didn't like her options but there was nothing else she could do about it. "Gimme a day or two to think this over, alright? And then I promise you, I'll butt out of this…"

"Really?" the kunoichi requested her word and Kitana could only groan.

"Yes, really," she promised, feeling a sickening chill shoot up her spine. "But you gotta trust me on this, okay? All I want is one day from you, one day and then you can have him."

The Shirai Ryu nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay!" she exclaimed and leapt onto Kitana to seize her in a warm embrace. "And thank you sooo much!"

She pulled away, giggled and then ninja'd(?) away, leaving the Edenian slightly dumbstruck. Kitana, though, quickly shook off her discomfort and thought about more important things at hand. She turned around to head back to her apartment and warn her companion about this new development.

* * *

"You're back?" Lao questioned as the woman stormed inside the quarters without knocking. She didn't give him the time to question any further when she took him by the shoulders and shook him like he was a ragged doll.

"You've been compromised, man! Don't you get it?!" she screamed at the bewildered monk.

"W-what?" he stammered, a bit queasy from the way she tossed him about before he came to a halt and the words would register in his mind. Compromised? What did that mean?

"Hellflame was never after Scorpion, she was after you!"

Fear settled in quickly and the monk found no words, merely stammered like a helpless child. Should he be afraid? Judging by the panicked look upon his partner's face, there was very little doubt that whatever was about to happen to Kung Lao was going to be excruciatingly painful. Kitana had already set about running from window to window, drawing the curtains and setting the bed like no one ever came here in the first place. After a long while of wheezing and stumbling upon his sentences, Kung Lao managed a small, "What are we going to do now?"

"We're getting the hell out of this place," she announced after having performed her job of sweeping the area clean of any traces and then rushed towards the quivering Shaolin, pushing him towards the door. "We got 24 hours before Hellflame comes sniffing for you here."

"But-but where will we go?" he demanded as the woman shut the door behind them.

"To the Living Forest. I'll contact Bob and Paul there since deformed creatures aren't allowed anywhere near this shithole," she answered, sprinting ahead of him. She halted midway and turned around, the monk rooted to where he stood. She motioned with her hand urgently and when he did not move from his spot, she headed back, took his arm and dragged him along.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to **Nerdette92** and **Obelisk of Light** for reviewing. Late update will be late, but I hope to finish this off soon. About 3 more chapters to go.


	8. Rule 6

A/N: I had to read about 5 lemons before getting some semblance of how to write adult-oriented scenes and the best I could come up with was two awkwardly described paragraphs. I shall regret my decision till the day I die.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that's not mine.

* * *

**Rule #6 – Beyond All Recognition**

_This rule speaks for itself; introduce an inception of plot-twists! Don't hold back on the absolute mindfuck that you can conjure. Now some of you may find it a chore to actually create some decent story matter here and would just settle for hardcore sex between you – I mean your character and the cannon, but a plot-twist brings no harm to the story (or lack thereof) and therefore this rule is applicable for those who want to use it as a reference for the ULTIMATE Sue story._

_You should be warned though that this rule is the toughest one since story is usually not required. But despite the lack of plot, there is always room for shocking reveals. To achieve God Status for the rule, come up with the most batshit insane twists possible to conjure with your given level of intellect (which is, fortunately, next to nothing). The crazier the shocks, the better the thrill._

_For the ultimate effect, keep the plot-twists churning in every other chapter to keep tensions simmering. This guide will employ the use of Rule #6 throughout subsequent chapters for added reference._

_Although by mentioning the plot-twists, it kinda defeats the purpose of the shock factor…_

_I'm sorry, it's just that I don't have a life._

* * *

Her already scanty garment gathered about her ankles, her hands tearing open his shirt and within the next moment she found herself scrawling underneath him, their naked bodies tangled in the sheets. He drove her up against the headboard and she moaned into his mouth between hot kisses. His lips parted with hers and traced her jaw, her skin shimmering with his saliva as he teasingly continued downwards, his callous hands assaulting her breasts. She cried out his name, her skin crawling in both excitement and anticipation but he stopped just short of her peak.

Hellflame barely opened her eyes and saw him flash a devilish smile, betraying his initial persona of a Shaolin monk; she couldn't help but grin along with him. In one swift move, he drove himself into her, a wordless gasp escaping her and her fingers clutching onto his soft hair. In her moment of ecstasy, her eyes finally fluttered open and took in the soft glow of the streetlights that illuminated the always busy Sueville pushing through the closed curtains. She held her breath, noting the absence of the man who only a second ago was making godless love to her and realized – much to her embarrassment – that it had all been a vivid dream.

She still held on to her sheets, the fabric gathered in her fists whose knuckles had gone white with the strength with which she balled her hands. Tiny beads of sweat gathered at her temple and her heart thumped against her ribs so wildly that it beat in her ears. Her throat was dry and coarse: she must have groaned out loud in her sleep. Heat quickly gathered in her cheeks when she realized she may have made enough noise to alert her partner who occupied a room adjacent to hers, prompting her to bolt upright and wait within the poor light for the moment the door would swing open just a crack and Scorpion's head will pop through, asking her if everything was alright.

That moment fortunately enough for her never came for as long as she sat silent, after which she got out of her bed and tiptoed towards the entrance, cracking the door ajar and peeking to see if anyone occupied the hall. There was no one in sight and her acute ninja-senses did not detect any unwanted presence either. Breathing a sigh of relief, she went back to her bed and plopped down, grabbing her scant uniform and garbing herself in them. After _that _dream there was no way she was going to go back to sleep, not immediately anyway. A smile formed on her lips as she recalled every instant of that imaginary romance, time passing by like a useless whisper the longer she remained mired in her sinful thoughts.

Hellflame understood her dreams were not meant to last anyway – they were going to come true come morning when her only love would finally be free to run into her arms. Wasting the moments before her reunion simply tossing and turning in her bed thinking about their lustful adventures was injustice. Tonight, she decided, equipping the last of her weapons on her person, she would celebrate her sacrifices made to attain Kung Lao.

She carefully shut the door behind her so that it made no noise and stalked the empty hallway, stepping out into the lively bustle of the town.

* * *

"I didn't see you two here before…" the Assassin's Creed Sue wondered out loud as she leaned in closer to scrutinize the odd-looking pair. Prior to the mission, Kitana had snagged a disguise for her and the monk to employ should they ever find themselves in a precarious position, but apparently she realized she may have over-estimated her odds of slipping by undetected when she forgot to factor in the presence of an AssCreed OC. She cast a sidelong glance at Lao who was doing a swell job of keeping mum just as she had asked. The Princess tipped her sombrero to cast a shadow over her face, lest the Sue discover that the blue-garbed warrior's mustache was simply a clip of her own locks stuck to her upper lip with jam.

"Si!" she declared, utilizing her nearly non-existent grasp of Spanish, complete with a haphazard accent. "We come to buy manure for farms, senorita! This town is only place where we buy good quality dung!"

"And your name?" the persistent Assassin demanded, folding her arms across her hefty chest which even the heavy adornments of her uniform failed to conceal. She was skeptic, the clever little prat she was, but not brilliant enough to use her Eagle Vision which would have outlined the two in gold and confirmed their demise at her hands. In effect, she was still kind of an idiot so fooling her was an easily achievable task although it would require some effort.

"Si! I am Pedro, and the muchacho on Isabella is Cheech!" the combatant declared, the mule whom she referred to as Isabella pushing out a steaming log of poop which fell to the ground with a sound that can only be described as a cross between a _splat_ and a _smoosh_. Or maybe it sounded like _prrrpthlthp_, but who am I to judge? The Assassin's face contorted into an expression of pure disgust at the creature's act of dispensing its fecal matter and she pinched her nose, signing with her hand to get that thing out of her face urgently. Kitana tipped her hat in faux graciousness and pulled at the mule's reigns, the pathetic beast braying loudly before complying with the woman's directions.

"Muchas gracias!" Kitana pronounced, smiling as she led Lao and the steed out of the town. It was when they were well out of earshot and long from anyone's field of vision that she risked the chance of looking back and seeing if they were truly in the green. Feeling a bare sense of security, she quickly shed her ridiculous guise, the monk following her silent directive and tossing off the poncho draped over his shoulders after relieving Isabella of his weight.

The two then ran like hell.

* * *

Daylight poured into the room, colouring the carpeted floor a blinding yellow as the young girl pushed away the curtains and undid the latch of her window, breathing in the fresh air of Sueville. Hellflame was lucky she had stumbled upon the small town by coincidence – it was a place populated by the kindest and most generous of people she had ever met, was always brightly lit during the nights and pleasantly slow during the day. The folk here laughed and indulged in merrymaking. They were all so happy and they made her feel happy too.

It was a stark contrast from the rest of Outworld, a desolate, unforgiving realm dotted with grotesque parodies of mankind that did not hesitate to tear apart anything that moved. The difference was astounding and rather shocking, but the wondrous town had easily made her forget the parallels between the good folk here and the horrors that lay outside its borders.

She stifled a lazy yawn, the fatigue from last night's endeavor finally taking a toll upon her. She plopped back down on her bed, a little annoyed that she would have to act like she was on her zenith in order to fool her compatriot and keep her midnight celebrations a well-guarded secret. However, she smiled brightly instead, understanding that her tiredness would eventually dissipate given the specialty of today. An uncanny good-feeling giving way to an even sweeter, albeit forbidden thought that raided her dreams during the moon's ascent into the sky.

Kung Lao.

She had to place a palm upon her lips to keep the naughty giggle from escaping her. Taking a moment to regain her composure, she rose from her bed and made her way out of the room, across the brief passageway and found herself upon Scorpion's door.

"Good morning!" the kunoichi sang as she pushed through and entered her partner's temporary abode, her morning cheeriness all forgotten when she was greeted by a near naked Scorpion clad in nothing but a white towel wound around his waist. Her face turned beet red and her jaw dropped open as the girl fumbled with her words, unable to prevent herself from spastically pointing at him. The ninja on the other hand could only raise a brow in mild interest at her behaviour. "OMG why are you naked?!"

"I am not naked…" Scorpion hissed rather irritably, unaware of what constituted the definition of 'naked' here but he really couldn't be blamed for not understanding Western ideals which his female compatriot seemed more ground in rather than their ethnic norms. In fact, who was this _O' Emm Ji_ she called out to before proclaiming that he was in the nude? If it was some god, then Scorpion sure never heard of the name before. He shook his head to both express his confusion at the girl's antics and to dismiss his thoughts. "If you refer to my lack of clothing, then I suggest that you too should take advantage of the facilities here and take a bath before heading out."

"Heading out?" she questioned like the ditz she was and Scorpion had the feeling that she didn't prefer paying attention to what was important here. But there was something else in her voice that suggested she wasn't being aloof, but a little worried. For what reason, he didn't know – didn't care. Quan Chi was out there somewhere casting his miserable spells on rodents, making them dance to his own amusement while Scorpion was still here, far, far away from redemption. Time was plentiful but he wasn't intent on wasting it, allowing the sorcerer to go on another day without just punishment. "We can't go now!"

"Not _now_," Scorpion corrected her misconception, though he understood that she still wouldn't like what was going to come next either. "After we restock on supplies, then we leave this town at the latest."

"But-" she had barely began but the Specter cut her short, pushing past her so that he may be allowed passage out of his tiny apartment.

"You w_ill_ comply if you are to accompany me," he warned her, firmly yet with a strange gentleness so that he didn't come off as a dick to her. It didn't matter though because he understood that his decisions – for whatever godforsaken reason – were breaking her heart. Her eyes glistened with the moisture that slowly welled in them yet he offered no sympathy to the girl. Should he give in to her ridiculous demands, his mission could be delayed indefinitely. Besides, the kid should've known what she was getting herself into the moment she begged him to take her along and exact revenge for the injustice done to their clan.

She bit her lip, a small spark of her rebellious aura flashing in her pupil-less eyes before she tore her hurt gaze away from the ninja and ran out of his room to a place only she would know of. He sighed, slightly exasperated but worried as well. She may be foolhardy, but she was at least good at heart – the Shirai Ryu made a note to come after her after he would have gathered the needed supplies. She needed her time to get her facts straight and come to terms with the inevitable that her journey with him gave no room to silly sentiments; by then, she would have calmed and would be willing to comply.

Scorpion would remain unaware of her intentions, though.

The kunoichi leaped from building to building, heading out for her lover's current abode, intent on uniting with the Shaolin before her supposed fiancé would destroy her chance at true love. The air lashed upon her face as she glided with the grace of a deer… well, a deer with human tits. It wasn't long before she spotted the window from which she had seen the monk lean out numerous times, sighing in boredom before a pair of gloved hands would yank him back inside and slam the glass-panel shut. She smiled tearfully, landing on the window sill (don't ask me how, she just did it) and pried it open.

But the curl of her soft lips quickly faded when she saw the abandoned apartment, its curtains drawn, its bed made and not a single sign that there were two humans here who occupied the room only a day ago. Her brows furrowed as she entered the spacious nothingness, her pale eyes scanning the sparse furnishings as she failed to make head or tails of the situation. And then, as suddenly and painfully as a bolt of lightning, realization hit her.

She had been betrayed!11!one!

* * *

'I'm sorry,' she silently apologized to the oblivious man that trod ahead of her, the dry dust of the living forest flying into the air in large puffs as his heels kicked up the dirt. He couldn't see her nervous grimace, the way her brows arched up and pinched together, the way her fingers trembled as she absentmindedly stroked the blades secured at her hip. Her eyes darted towards the horizon, the orange glow of the rising sun waiting to overcome the night – she wouldn't risk any more time than she already had.

It wasn't fair to him. He didn't deserve it, but when the dots finally connected she knew she had to wipe out the carbon line that traced through all of them. Everything had been set into motion from the start; from the moment the thought that Kung Lao would be suitable company was born in her mind. Hell, the entire mission itself was nothing but only a cycle, the starting point, the very reason how Hellflame would be connected to the Monk. Everything the Edenian had done up until now had done absolutely nothing to curb the threat (well, to look at it fairly she really did virtually nothing). It was fate, it was bound to happen and all that she tried to accomplish was for naught.

She personally delivered the Sue's victim to her.

She gulped as she thought over her new course of action. She didn't like the plan the moment it popped up in her head when Hellflame had revealed her intentions to her, and the more she thought about it afterwards cemented the fact that she had no other choice. She had not lied to the kunoichi when she said she needed the time to think it over – the only deception she had played was that she wasn't specific about _what_ she wanted to think over. She bought time for the sake of reviewing her options and she wasn't happy with what she was left with.

It truly wasn't Kung Lao's fault.

And yet he still was the reason for the Sue's existence, the roots that anchored the tree within the ground. When the roots would rot, shrivel and die, the tree would topple in the slightest of breeze, dead and useless until it would decay and be returned to the earth. If she did not burn the roots then Hellflame would be free to wreak havoc across the realm – from the moment she had convinced Kung Lao to flee from the village to their arrival at the Living Forest at the brink of dawn, all she had done was chastise herself for what she was forced to do.

Her fingers wrapped around the blade and quietly slipped it out of her belt, the Monk too intent on tracking the forest floor to at least turn around and give the woman trailing behind him a glance. She wanted him to just somehow look over his shoulder and see the closed fan she held like a dagger behind the nape of his neck, question her intent and somehow convince her she didn't need to do this. But he remained unaware, all hopes of the Princess quickly draining as her scowl deepened and her weapon held poised in the air for a brief moment before she would thrust it in his spine.

Vines as thick as a woman's arm wound around her ankles and whisked her off the ground before she had the chance to bring the pointed end of her fan down upon the unsuspecting monk. She flailed and screamed as she was swung about, catching Lao by surprise. He whipped his head around to find the woman suspended in mid-air, the vines that bound her slender legs pulling her close to the contorted face of a very ancient-looking Tree. The expression on the dry bark appeared more pissed than usual but the man decided not to pay too much heed to it. With a toss of his hat, the Edenian crumpled to the forest floor, the green tendons now spliced from its host piling on top of her.

"Are you okay?" he had managed before he found himself swept off his feet and gliding though the air, the ropey tentacles of the Living Forest slithering around his limbs and waist. He cried out as he was carried across the sparse canopy and tossed into the air like a rag doll, his arms flailing in a desperate attempt to catch on to anything before he would hit the ground – he didn't know whether he should have felt lucky or unfortunate when the vines caught him before he reached the earth. Kitana's frightened cries accompanied his as the Living Forest continued its dangerous game.

It didn't take long before the two became too dizzy to be able to continue screaming, saliva turning bitter as vomit threatened to bubble up their throats and gush from their mouths. Perhaps that was what the Trees intended in the first place when they had finally stopped swaying the pair about, holding each one up to the largest two in the entire Wood. Lao barely glanced at Kitana who dangled upside down, muttering something along the lines that she was going to throw up.

A green tendril lifted the hat that covered his sweaty mop of hair and dropped it at the roots, but the act was strangely so gentle that it irked a disoriented "Huh?" from the monk.

"What…?" he mumbled as a vine slipped under his shirt and lifted it up to reveal his belly to the Tree, another much thinner tendon slithering along the exposed flesh like it was lapping up the sweat. The poor Shaolin's eyes flew wide open as dreaded realization struck him.

"No, no, no! No, NO! STOP!" he screamed and pleaded in vain as he felt the buttons of his shirt come off and the article of clothing being slid off his shoulders. Tears flowed down his eyes and all he could hear besides his own quivering sobs was Kitana grumbling in her delirious state as her more merciful predator had lifted her up right above its widening maw, ready to consume her. His shoes came off and he only cried louder, the vines that gripped his abdomen slightly loosening their hold until they completely went slack and let the terrorized man slump to the ground. He realized the Tree had been screaming, his eyes glancing at a ball of white fur that tore at the bark like a demon.

"Nom Nom?" he called to the rabbit he kept under his hat, aptly named though the monk wouldn't know due to his lack of knowledge of the mainstream. His pet appeared too busy to have heard him as it did not relent its horrific assault on the Wood, the small animal tearing through it like it was made of paper. The crunch of wood emitted from behind him and Lao turned around, scrambling to his feet when he realized that the Tree that had caught the now missing Kitana had clamped its jaws shut.

He scooped the hat from the ground, hurling it towards the Tree so that it cut into its "teeth", the bark splitting open into triangular holes in the trunk. He rushed toward the opening, leaning inside to grab on to the dizzy Kitana who lay amongst an array of bleached human and animal bones, and dragged her out.

"I'm gonna barf till Friday…" he heard her mumble, the rest incoherent as she placed a palm on the side of her head to still her quaking vision. She stumbled and would surely have fallen flat on her face had her partner not steadied her and eased her upon the forest floor. Lao quickly buttoned back his shirt, the hat rematerializing on his head as he bent down and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You're not hurt are you?" he asked, his eyes scrutinizing every detail of her body, searching for any worrisome gashes but could find nothing besides occasional scratches. She had tried to say something but it came out as a string of unintelligible noises before she turned towards the other predatory Tree and found it a groaning pile of rubble being ripped into further shreds by a bunny.

"wat."

That was the most clearest she had said anything.

Kung Lao momentarily abandoned her side and made way for the still nibbling rabbit, the fluffy little creature immediately calming down the moment the monk caught it in his hands, as if some kind of devil possessed the animal that could only be warded off by the Shaolin's presence. He removed his hat and set the rabbit on top of his head before replacing his headgear. Kitana looked on, dumbfounded.

"This place isn't safe for us anymore," the monk announced when he returned to her after haphazardly putting on his boots, offering a hand as leverage. He didn't notice it but Kitana very well did: a couple of days ago, when they had first embarked upon their inane mission, it was the Edenian who had her palm outstretched for the tired combatant to grasp and was refused out of pride. Here and now, seeing how the whole scene seemed to repeat itself albeit with roles reversed for a change, Kitana had smacked the warrior's hand away in pure spite.

And perhaps because she was a little afraid; afraid of that unknown force that was somehow unbalancing everything she knew. Just what was going on and why so, she did not understand. A few moments ago she had her mind set that it was Hellflame's "love" for the monk that was the cause of this misfortune, but then why was she able to survive the deadly assault of the Living Forest? Wouldn't that obnoxious brat have had her way if the Edenian had been chewed, swallowed and digested by the Trees?

She caught Lao's bewildered look at her sudden display of aggression and she was none too sorry he was to be the recipient of her fury.

"No!" she barked, pushing herself off the ground and doing a poor job of it, prompting her partner to come to her aid once again. "Fuck this shit! I'm done here! I'm done with you, I'm done with Hellflame! I'M DONE!"

"You're done?" he repeated, slightly worried but more so confused as the groggy Edenian lumbered away like a drunken hunchback. He followed, jumping in front of her in some vain attempt to keep her from leaving him all alone in the Woods. "What do you mean? Hey, where're you going?"

"Home!" she replied, halting her march so she could maneuver around him but he did not relent, blocking her path like the monkey he was. She clenched her teeth in annoyance, pausing so he would let his guard down and then lunged at him, driving her fist into his abdomen. He doubled over, a pained groan escaping him and a small trickle of red staining his lips and chin. The woman realized she may have acted out of impulse rather than think it through and as consolation gave him a pat on his back.

"Take your time…" she instructed him in the most comforting voice that was possible for her (which to any other human sounded nothing short of snide), massaging his back as he coughed and shook trying to stand erect.

"You better?" Kitana asked after he regained most of his composure, wiping the blood off with the back of his hand. "Sure?"

He nodded.

"Good," she said as she pushed past him and continued on her way out of the Forest.

"Wait…!" he panted, skipping after her like a lost chick having found his mother. "Don't leave me out here…!"

"Don't have a choice," she replied, her pace not losing its quickness the least bit.

The answer was so blunt, so ridiculously cold that she could imagine how hurt Kung Lao's expression was despite not even turning around to face him. But what else was there that she could say? What else could she do? There was no way out besides killing him and she had convinced herself long ago that it was the worst possible solution. Sparing the monk's life meant Hellflame had won. The only good she or anyone else could wish for was that the Sue would claim the Shaolin and just leave everyone else alone. Someone would have to lose, Kitana knew, but at least with the latter choice no one would have to be buried.

"She came for you, Lao," she said. "It'll be the end of this nightmare once she has her claws on you."

"And I don't have a say in this?!" he demanded, shocked, disgusted and afraid.

"Hey, I didn't say you couldn't run!" she retorted, whipping around when he latched onto her arms in a desperate plea. "What I'm generally implying is that I'm not sticking around to save your sorry ass."

He was devastated, a look so crushing that every awful thing he had experienced during their short-lived adventure paled in comparison to what he was forced to hear now. She couldn't blame him; he was being passed on to Tits McGee like a doll Kitana had gotten tired of and wanted to give away. But what annoyed her the most was that he had become too dependent on her – yes, she did admit it was her mistake for directly leading the monk into Hellflame's reach but that didn't mean it was her duty to get him out of it. He was of sound mind and able body which left him more than capable of living out his days avoiding the advances of his lover.

It wouldn't last for long, though. He would give in. Somehow, someday she would have her arms wrapped around his waist as he would wave her and their many children goodbye before heading off to work. In the end, there is no escape but death.

"You can't do this to me…" he began, speaking his words slowly and firmly yet even he could not ignore the hint of alarm in his voice. Kitana paused, guilt bubbling beneath her chest when she saw the uninhibited fear did not dissipate despite the Shaolin's best efforts to convince her without losing his shit. "I don't deserve this…"

She opened her mouth to shoot him down once again but the monk realized her intentions before she had the chance to utter a single word. His thinly veiled facade of keeping level-headed imminently broke down and he held her shoulders just like she did when trying to knock some sense into him, panicking.

"It's unfair!" he half declared, half pleaded with the Edenian. "I didn't _choose _to be her lover! I don't w_ant_ to marry her! The only reason I ever agreed to do this stupid thing was because you are my _friend _and I choose to help you no matter what! Okay… granted that I did some silly things, wandering off and attracting her attention, but I _didn't know_! I didn't know this was going to happen to me and I counted on you! I need _your_ help and you're just going to walk away? You helped me so many times before and I did the same for you – why do you want to give up so easily when I need you again?"

The Edenian was silent for a time long enough for the monk to understand that she was contemplating his situation. His fingers relaxed and his shaky palms slid off her shoulders, the panic on his face slightly but gradually fading. There was a light in his eyes, a hope that his pleas had gone through to her. She pursed her lips tightly, recounting the only two choices left to her and hating both of them with a passion. But the longer she looked at the trust that glimmered in his eyes, she knew she would hate herself for whichever decision she would have to take.

Kitana shook her head.

"I'm sorry," she stated. The woman leaned forward and cupped the side of his face with her gloved hand, placing a small kiss on his cheek. He tensed but it was only natural: as she allowed some distance between her and the ma,n she saw his brows arch and stitch together in both surprise and confusion. She paced away from him, the distance now amounting to a few feet. "But I got no choice."

She plugged her ears with her fingers and brought up her elbows to shield her face from the bloody explosion.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to **xVentressx**, **Cold Recluse**, **Obelisk of Light** and **EpicSquirrelNinja** for taking the time to read and review this thing. I know that **Obelisk of Light** didn't want a wedding scene, so I just skipped to the true horror right in the beginning. More or less.

And heads up to **shadowsorel** for handing me an interesting tip about this story.


	9. Exercise 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that's not mine.

* * *

Exercise #2

_The difficulty is set a little higher this time. Let's see if you can determine whether this example fulfills all the six previous rules before we head on to Rule #7._

* * *

_Meanwhile…_

"What in…?" Quan Chi trailed off when the ceiling rumbled and a stifled thud emitted from the walls. He quickly wiped the sweat off his now shimmering forehead with the back of his hand before laying away his apparatus and turning off the Bunsen. He exited the room he was given to concoct an anti-Sue spell and raced up the stairs, the thuds and quakes getting louder as he reached the very chamber he and his temporary allies conducted their emergency meeting in.

He pushed open the door and found that the room resembled an epileptic nightmare. Furniture had been set on fire to create a giant bonfire in the middle of the quarters, the holy siblings along with an ensemble of curvaceous women swaying their hips while in a conga line that circled around the blaze. There was also a moose in a party hat in one corner, sipping peach tea from a straw and an unconscious Onaga stuck to a wall with duct tape.

There was a sudden explosion that managed to interrupt the party and as the rubble cleared, everyone was treated to the presence of the Earth God from mythologies (because Ed Boon decided he was too cool to have a name). The immortals blinked as the Earth God fanned the dust away with a massive hand and raised a white plastic bag he held in the other.

"I brought weed!" he declared at which everyone cheered.

"What do you think you people are doing?!" Quan Chi exclaimed, mortified. Raiden and Fujin, who were previously unaware of the sorcerer's presence, beamed and raised their beers to him.

"Hey, join the party!" Fujin offered, his smile crumbling into a confused frown as Chi stomped over to the group, swiped the beer from the Wind God's hand and shattered it upon the floor. He then proceeded to shoo everyone whilst desperately trying to control his fury and shoved them out the massive opening Nameless Earth God had torn into the wall. Fading screams followed as the ill-fated partygoers tumbled for a good hundred meters or so before transforming into red stains upon the earth, yet the sorcerer and the gods remained oblivious to the slaughter.

"There's a real crisis looming above our heads and you're _partying_?!" even Quan Chi could not believe what he was implying, but he had seen it all with his eyes and could do little to disregard this as some hallucination brought about by overworking. Yes his eyes burned and his back hurt, but there was no way in hell he was imagining all of this up (unless it was Shang Tsung casting some weird illusion, and he knew such magic was beyond the guy's abilities because Shang Tsung is a loser).

Raiden shrugged in response, his upside-down heart shaped sunglasses reflecting the orange glow of the bonfire.

"We decided we needed a break," the Thunder God explained, cleaning his ear canal with his pinky. "All this 'saving Earthrealm' bullshit gets kinda exhausting at times."

"Hmm… no wonder you do such a piss job of it too," Chi wondered out loud which prompted a pained and offended gasp from said Protector of the Earth. Raiden turned toward his brother, expecting him to back him up on this but the little one held up his hands and took a step back. Clearly he wanted no part of this conversation, and simply so because Fujin never exactly had any role in protecting Earthrealm. He _did_ had a brief stint though when Raiden got that status upgrade back in '97, but Raiden kinda sucked as an Elder God, so they were all back to square one.

"Our troubles have worsened…" the sorcerer maintained his train of thought which he expressed verbally to his allies. "Hellflame is already distorting reality. She may be near to completing the process of writing herself into history, the effects of which are altering existence. You two may be behaving this way because of Hellflame."

"Wait, I don't feel like I'm acting any different," Fujin interjected at which the stitch of Chi's brows only deepened.

"Of course," he began, his expression turning into a gloomy one. "That is because her interference in the timeline may be resulting in a complete re-write of our pasts as well. You don't feel as if anything is out of the ordinary because according to Hellflame's timeline, you have always been this way. It's only a matter of time before she becomes cannon and all our efforts rendered to design a way to annihilate her will be wiped out from existence."

"That's bad," Raiden declared the obvious but Chi decided to let it all slide. After all, it wasn't as if the two gods were doing this purposely to piss the guy off. Though the mage did worry most that he was yet to be affected by the alterations in the time-space continuum thingamabob; in fact, he was nearly untouched seeing as he was completely aware of his objectives and goals for the moment. Either he had no place in history inclusive of Hellflame or Raiden and Fujin were just two more of the many suckers the Sue would ensnare in her web of massage oils and deception.

If everything was slowly starting to build up towards the critical point, that meant that Hellflame was at a deciding point in her life which also allowed Chi the luxury to believe his two agents – Kung Lao and Kitana – were close to realizing the mission. Or they probably lay impaled in the Pit while the Sue screwed Scorpion's brains out on the bridge. Choices were limited and chances were dwindling. Chi sighed worriedly when he decided it was best to enact the most extreme of measures to contain the Sue threat earlier than expected. He plunged his hand into his pocket and pulled out a cellphone, flipping it open and pushing in numbers.

"Who are you calling?" Fujin queried, glancing over the sorcerer's spiked shoulder-guard to catch a glimpse of the tiny screen.

"Our final hope," he stated before putting the phone to his ear.

* * *

"I'm sorry," she said, albeit with a small trace of defeat in her voice. He was confused. Sorry for what? Sorry for trying to leave him in the Forest? Sorry that she can't do anything? Sorry that she punched him in the gut? He would have asked but fell silent when she moved toward him, closing the gap between them and cradling his face as she gave him a small peck on the cheek. The act was so out of the blue that nothing could have prepared him for it. Women generally didn't just kiss him like that without warning, and those who insisted had been nervously pushed away. It was out of instinct that his muscles seized and his eyes went wide open as she finally allowed the space to grow between them once again. "But I got no choice."

He felt odd, as if something about him became misplaced, damaged. He held his breath, for what purpose he was unsure of. Was it something natural or something artificial? He didn't have an explanation; even if he did, it would have been difficult for him to make sense of things when his own mind suddenly began to lose track of things. He pictured the most ridiculous things: melting ice, a walking cane falling to the floor, a river pounding upon the smooth, oval boulders within it, ropes unwinding, a woman letting down her hair.

"Hey…!" he barely gasped as the alien feeling began to creep up his spine. His breaths fell short and quickly heating blood began to pump through his veins. Air escaped his lungs so quickly he couldn't even manage a whimper. Sweat coated his skin which had quickly become hot. His knees quivered and his eyes felt heavy as if someone had attached weights to his eyelids. His vision blurred, then swayed before slowly clearing up again, only for the colours to turn so bright that it hurt his head. A flurry of emotions overcame him; anger, joy, surprise, fatigue, everything came and hit him again and again and again until it threatened to suffocate him. He felt like he was about to choke, the tornado of emotions growing so strong it tore itself apart and let everything loose. "I feel _**great**__!"_

Kitana pulled her hands away from shielding her face and offered the monk a look of pure bewilderment.

His mind crumbled under the weight of the desire that overcame him. The Shaolin leapt toward the mortified Edenian, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist so that there was little she could do to get away from him as he tried to cup her mouth with his. She cried out in either shock or terror, it was hard to tell, Lao unaware that she had placed her hand over his blood-stained mouth in a vain attempt to push him off of her.

"_**I LOVE YOU!**__" _not even the hand pressed tightly against his mouth could muffle the words, letting them ring in her hear and frighten the ever-living shit out of her. The monk held her harder and tighter against him despite her protests, squeezing the breath out of her. It was as of some demon had possessed him that erased all convictions of right or wrong, of knowledge and sensibility – he wanted nothing more than to express his love for the woman, placing heated yet bloody kisses on the gloved hand that kept him at bay.

"LET GO OF ME, YOU CREEP!" Kitana cried, legs flailing underneath her as Lao had raised her from the ground when tightening his embrace. She realized that the more she screamed, the more she found it harder to breathe as his hold became crushingly strong. Air came rushing back into her lungs when he suddenly and inexplicably loosened his hold on her, though whether that was a good thing or bad, Kitana had no real clue. He swung her to the left yet did not relinquish his hold on her, letting the terrorized woman lean in his arms.

"I've never felt this way before!" he declared, beaming like a madman and eyes averting to the thick canopy above before returning to Kitana. "Its crazy, its wild, its… its… _its fucking amazing_!"

At that moment, Kitana falsely believed that he had been possessed by the spirit of Zebron, the disco-ghost that haunted the Living Forest in search of barely legal girls and cocaine; there could be no other explanation whatsoever for a Shaolin monk as pure as Kung Lao to swear. Heck, this was the man who would repent to the Almighty Buddha after calling someone 'a booger'! Either this was not Kung Lao or something very sinister had seized control of his mind. According to the much shaken and obviously frightened Kitana, it was some joke character the author inserted into this fic.

"WHO ARE YOU?!" Kitana cried out rather accusingly, flailing her arms as if swatting away a horde of angry bees, her pathetic attempt at self defense doing squat to ward off the Shaolin. At that instant, she deeply regretted cracking those rape jokes on him, seeing how she was expecting the situation to turn out if either she didn't run away or he didn't snap back to normal. Karma was being a bitch and that when on her period.

"Right now, just a simple monk," he flashed a good natured smile at her; though earnest in intention, it didn't come off as innocent what with the blood that still stained his lips and teeth. "And I'm planning on changing that."

"What?" she demanded, confused by what his words meant.

"Marry me?"

She smacked him across the face.

"Came off too strong, didn't I…?" he winced, easing the woman back onto her feet so that he could take a small step away from her and nurse his stinging, red cheek. The idiocy of his proposal had annoyed the princess to such an extent that it chased away the fear that had seized her. Only Kung Lao could say something as moronic as that and it removed any suspicions of a ghoul possessing the monk. Though none of what he said would excuse why he stepped out of line and nearly assaulted the princess despite his initial crippling fear of sex and why he suddenly decided cussing was an A-OK thing to do for a monk.

When the fear had gone did rational judgement finally step in though there was very little Kitana could determine. That kiss was meant to blow him to bits, not turn him on, for fuck's sake. She would have ruled Hellflame as the reason why the Kiss of Death backfired and allowed him to live, but the monk's sudden infatuation with the Edenian didn't exactly fit in with what the Sue had wanted. It was quite the opposite actually, Hellflame really didn't like Kitana and as far as her experience goes, the princess was the scapegoat for Rule #5. Then why in god's name did Kung Lao try to rape her when it was Hellflame who wanted his man-meat?

"This isn't right… you should've died." she said, gritting her teeth. She pointed a finger at the plainly confused man. He furrowed his brows, not understanding what she meant at all. "No, you… you were supposed to die, how did that not happen? Why didn't you die?!"

It took him long enough to understand what she was referring to and his eyes slightly widened (for an Asian).

"You…" he trailed off, trying to maintain composure and avoid bursting out at her. "That kiss was meant to kill me?"

"Yes!" she answered without any hesitation, surprised why Lao would even ask such a question. Wasn't it as obvious as the day? "You were supposed to die and you didn't! Why? It doesn't make any sense!"

"You tried to _kill_ me?" the man demanded, unable to control his anger any longer, though his words would remain unheard by the princess who had apparently more serious matters to address at the moment.

"It didn't kill you so the only other outcome would've been me blowing up into bits and pieces!"

"Should I feel lucky your deathtrap didn't work on me?!"

"And instead it wound up turning you on? That's like the complete opposite of what Hellflame wants…"

"For a second I thought I was in love with you!"

"Fuck, that's the opposite of what everyone in Sueville wants! I should be dead if Rule #5 is in play here, but I'm not! Its as if there's another Sue that's fucking up the-"

Realisation and horror came together in glorious marriage and then proceeded to impale her soul with a twenty-foot long spear. She froze, her words collapsed on her tongue and her mind went into complete and utter turmoil. The final, crucial piece of the jigsaw fell in place, revealing a very grotesque and morbid truth. Lao's voice sounded like a whisper in the distance, a disembodied voice that murmured her name over and over again. Memories materialized as ghostly apparitions, taunting her for not reading the clues that lay right under her nose:

When she first suggested Kung Lao's name as her aid in the mission.

When the horde of Sues chased after him.

When Hellflame demanded that Kitana practically hand the monk over to her.

When he rescued her from being devoured by the Wood.

When he held her in embrace where he should have died.

"Kitana…!" his voice was suddenly clear now and it snapped her out of her reverie. The distance had been eliminated and the monk grasped at her collar, his eyes boring into hers, demanding an explanation. "I need an answer, now!"

"Y-y-you… y-you… you… you…"

He narrowed his eyes, perplexed.

"You… you…" she continued to ramble.

"I _what_?!"

"**GAAARYYY STUUUUUUUUUU!"**

* * *

"Okay!" Hellflame declared, lightly whacking the rod on her palm as she paced across the stage, the backdrop consisting of the flag of Sueville, which incidentally contained a bunch of glittering Swastikas, ponies, dildos, kawaii-desu bishounen, Barbies and hashtags and Big Macs. The Kunoichi herself wore a skimpy and quite revealing uniform that defeated the purpose of it being effective for combat. A wide screen had been set up on the stage which displayed a certain Shaolin monk meditating in the lotus position beneath a pouring waterfall. "I have gathered you ladies in the event of a war: a war against true love!"

The ladies cheered and some of them even tossed their bras in the air.

Hellflame pointed at the photo of the peaceful Kung Lao with her rod and the women sighed collectively.

"Our objective: Reunite me with my husband!" the girls hooted in approval. "And destroy the harlot that has him captive as a tortured slave!"

At that moment, a different picture replaced the previous one. This time it showed a nondescript woman with disheveled hair flossing her teeth right at the camera's face. The crowd expressed its disdain by booing and hissing at the image, while some tossed rotten fruits and small rocks at the screen.

"My sisters, I have called onto you to aid me in my journey for everlasting love and happiness, and you have responded. You are all so totally invited to the wedding!"

More cheers.

"But that is only possible until we have defeated the pig that has enslaved my lover. Come to arms my sisters! Let us march to war and reclaim our destinies!"

The ecstatic cries did not drown out for a while and when they eventually did, the women filed away from the courtyard and went to get a complementary face sticker from the booth at the far left of the stage. Hellflame sighed, basking in the overwhelming support for her battle as well as the new hope that rekindled inside her. She stepped off the stage and continued opposite of the mass of bodacious teens, removing her beret and leather gloves which she placed on a nearby table.

"You are delaying my vengeance upon the sorcerer…" the man that occupied the space near the table growled once Hellflame had taken off the second glove. The girl flashed him a naughty little grin that only prompted the man in yellow to raise a brow.

"Oh you'll have your revenge, Scorpion," she clicked her tongue.

"I thought _you_ also-"

"The plan's changed, Scorpsy!" Hellflame cried out as she slammed her palms upon the surface of the table, her jolting boobs catching the ninja's gaze for a mere moment. He was silent, perplexed at the woman's fickleness. "I'm headin' my way and you are yours."

"Fine," the Shirai Ryu snorted, folding his muscular arms across his chest while simultaneously heaving a sigh. "My task would be easier without you coming in my way-"

"Not so fast," she interjected and the ninja halted his words, brows furrowing at this new development. "You're not getting away scott-free you know. I've got a job for you."

The specter's eyes flew wide open as anger engulfed him. It wasn't as if anyone would blame Scorpion for feeling the way he did about her attitude – the man came to exact justice and she had offered him aid solely because they belonged to one clan. As a Shirai Ryu, her purpose, her reason to exist was to destroy Quan Chi and lay the restless souls of the clan to rest. That was what was expected from any member who had been given a second chance to carry out such vengeance. And here, the girl had completely forsaken the clan's redemption for the sake of some pretty boy that happened to catch her eye.

Not only that, but she had the gall to order him around, expecting him to fulfill her every whim with a smile on his face, simply because they were acquainted and wore the same uniform. He would have ignored her and walked out on his path had she not demanded such a ridiculous service from him and instead decided to cut down her resolve before he would depart.

"Oh? What makes you think I would get out of my way to run errands for you?" his voice rumbled, carrying both a threatening and an annoyed tone. She didn't provide a verbal response, rather flashed him her breasts that left him silent for a good minute. And what magical powers do a woman's mammaries possess that silence a man and bring him to his knees in servitude. Scorpion gulped down the invisible ball that lodged itself in his throat before giving his word.

"Track Kitana down," she said, adjusting what little there was of her top. "And bring me back her head."

* * *

A/N: I was going to add a little bit more but I just lost my interest halfway into this chapter, which would explain why this is a short chapter. I don't know, I guess it's the drama in there that's mucking up the pace of the story but the good thing is that it's only temporary. Also, this story's about to end with around three or four chapters left, so the weepy/gooey stuff will end with Rule #7.

**Cold Recluse**, **Ace of Spies**, **EpicSquirrelNinja** and **UCrrWolFe**, thank you all so very much for reviewing this story. You guys are amazing.


	10. Rule 7

Rule #7 – Get Pumped!

_Did you check off your plot-twist? Good! Now it's time for conflict! The flurry of emotions overwhelming your Sue have moved her into taking action (finally, for fuck's sake!). No more Miss Nice-Lady (?), this time it's an all out assault! It's the build up to the climax! Get your dildos ready, dear authors, it's gonna be a rough ride!_

* * *

With the sun at noon-high and the canopy of the Living Forest pocketing the increasingly humid air, the Monk had long decided to settle down within the clearing and fan himself with the weapon his partner had abandoned at his side. Sweat rolled down his temple and he had to frequently remove his hat to wipe the moisture away with his equally drenched arm. He knew he'd save himself a lot of trouble if he would just take the hat off for a while but refrained from doing so for fear of his pet rabbit wandering off into the dangerous woods while he remained preoccupied with Kitana still in the midst of a nervous breakdown.

She had been running around in circles screaming like a banshee for the past half an hour and didn't seem like she was about to stop. Her hands were pressed to her ears so she couldn't hear his pleas for her to calm down at first. He had contemplated tackling her down and restraining her but he knew that would be rather counterproductive to helping her regain her sanity. He decided it best to wait it out until she would eventually tire herself or fall faint from the shock but her antics continued for a longer than expected time. In the end, he sat down within the humus and dead grass and spent the remainder of the half hour watching her enter his field of vision from the left and then leave it from the right, over and over again.

"_Crazy chicks...!" _the spirit of the Great Kung Lao huffed, shaking his head in a mix of pity and annoyance. Lao directed the steel fan in the Great's direction and, with a couple of gusts, watched him disperse like a translucent little cloud. An undignified yelp echoed until it faded away along with the spirit of his ancestor. The living Monk heaved a tired sigh, telling himself for the umpteenth time that day that this was not the peachiest week in his life. Sure, getting his butt handed to him by Shao Kahn, having his hand accidentally crushed by Goro during that handshake, getting his butt handed to him (again) by Shang Tsung and then being revived as a mindless zombie-servant of the Dragon King were tough times as is, but the torture of this dastardly "mission" had scarred him both physically and mentally.

A very loud and very painful crack, followed by the delirious laughter of a certain woman, successfully snapped him out of his reverie. Kitana had run smack into a tree during her crazed outburst and was now probably suffering from a concussion. The Monk quickly leapt to his feet and raced toward the Edenian before she collapsed and risked another traumatic injury to her brain. He grabbed her before gravity pulled her down and then eased her on the ground as she spurted some gibberish about buying New Zealand for two goats and a potato.

"Press X repeatedly to get up..." she murmured as a thick trail of blood oozed from her nose. Kung Lao lightly smacked his fingers against her cheek to bring back from her delirious little world and sighed with relief when her eyes fluttered before she sat herself up on the dirt (with effort). She cradled her throbbing head, groaning in pain and wiping the red from her upper lip with her free hand before it trickled into her mouth. "Aw man... feels like Sheeva'd been stomping on me for hours..."

"You actually bumped into a tree," the Monk provided.

"Oh," was her response. She lifted her gaze toward him and let the horror of her revelation consume her once more. Kitana burst out screaming and whipped her arms in the air like a puppet caught within a tornado, spinning around on her bottom in an attempt to run away from the supposed Gary Stu. But the concussion still retained its effects and her sudden movement made her dizzy again. She fell face-first into the dirt, her scream now reduced to a moan, yet she still did not relent trying to crawl away despite her legs and arms feeling like jelly.

Desperate to keep the woman from inflicting more harm upon herself than what she already had done, he scrambled after her. And given her rather poor speed, he only had to leap over a short length before he caught hold of her ankles. In the sheer confusion of it all, he didn't think twice before dragging the semi-catatonic Princess along the forest floor and then climbing on to her when she was in range to keep her from slipping out of his grip. So to say, this freaked the woman out even more who, while all this time had slowly yet steadily begun to regain complete consciousness, turned her dazed cries up a pitch.

"I am not going to rape you...!" the monk curtly told her when she pleaded to be saved from the 'rapist' to no one in particular, but it seemed his words had not gone through to her. She rolled over on her back so that she now faced him and swiped at his face. She was successful in stuffing her fingers into his nostrils and pushed up so that the Shaolin's head slowly reeled back. Her – ahem – creative manoeuvre sadly saw its demise pretty quickly when Lao slapped her hand away and held her down by the wrists should she use that trick again.

Her next move was predictable; she drove her knee into his crotch but the offense proved to be her wrong doing. Whatever the hell it was inside his pants, it was hard as concrete, and so the Princess only managed to injure herself rather than her "assailant". Her eyes flew wide open and her arms went limp as her brain pushed itself farther than it initial capacity to register the pain. Lao lifted a perplexed brow at Kitana's sudden calm and raised himself so that he was on his knees.

"You okay?" he asked and when she did not respond, he waved his hand before her eyes to make sure she hadn't fallen into shock. It was after a long moment of silence that the monk felt she had uttered something. Her voice was so small and so soft he could barely make out what she had said. He leaned down with his ear turned toward her and urged her to repeat what she had first said: she hollered like there was no tomorrow, startling the Shaolin and most likely leaving him deaf for a couple of seconds. He jerked away, cringing, and plugged the assaulted ear with his pinky.

"HOLY SHIT!" she exclaimed in pure agony, rolling to her side and reaching down to nurse her throbbing knee. "JESUS CHRIST!"

"You fucking ASSHOLE!" she spat at him through clenched teeth, eyes shooting him a venomous glare that only confused and angered the monk even more.

"What are you blaming me for?!" he demanded, appalled and indignant at her intolerable attitude. And why wouldn't he be mad? After all this time, despite his attempts to help her and soothe her worries, she could only offer him her caustic words and give him undue fault for everything that had gone wrong since the beginning. He opened his mouth, ready to unleash a flurry of angry retorts but fell short when she burst into an agonising wail after kneeing him again. And like before, he didn't feel a thing. But what made him halt his words wasn't the scream that interrupted him, but the fact that Kitana had – in the span of mere seconds – completely forgotten how she injured herself in the first place.

"THE FUCK DID I DO THAT FOR?!" she shrieked, realising her folly only too late, and hugged her leg while she pathetically sobbed. There were no tears that pricked her eyes, but she sure sounded like she was in despair. Kung Lao leaned away from her so that he sat in a kowtow position to allow her the time to recuperate from the delusions she was likely suffering from that head trauma and reflect for himself upon the meaning of all that had happened. He couldn't come to real conclusions as to what he was supposed to do but had easily decided on his verdict on the woman. He waited until she had done being childish and latched on to her shoulders, roughly sitting her up.

"I'm not in the mood for this anymore," he told her with a firm voice, though doubts had already begun to creep into his mind as he took note of her vacant expression. "I'm the only one in his right mind to do anything about this situation. But you, Kitana? You're clinically insane."

"What's 'clinically'?" she asked. He kept silent for a long moment, the hope that slowly faded from his eyes invisible to the moronic Princess.

"I need you to tell me everything about Mary Sues," he said after having taken a while to recover from her stupidity. "No more riddles. No complicated jargon. Tell me everything, from the start to the finish about Mary Sues. Every single piece of knowledge, do you understand?"

She didn't answer. Her only response was a defeated sigh. It was as good as any an indication that she was ready to comply with his simple demand. Lao scooted away from her so that he was at her side, allowing both of them some comfort. He folded his legs, tilted the brim of his hat a little upward so that he face was no longer shrouded in shadows and rested his hands in his lap. Kitana brooded like a child, resting her chin in her palm while her lower lip jutted out in some angry pout. Kung Lao didn't care if she was happy with this or not; he _needed_ answers to the questions that came and went by unanswered.

"Go ahead," he prompted.

And she told him.

Over a good two hours, he just sat silently, absorbing every words that escaped her lips and forming a mental picture of it all with her every hand gesture. In that time, not only did he take to heart her explanations but wondered of himself, of how she had every reason to accuse or rather confuse him for being a Gary Stu. It wasn't as if what she believed was wrong – indeed, he realised the symptoms in himself when she narrated them to him – but rather that she was a little mislead. When she was finally done, she concluded with a tired sigh and then shifted her gaze to the monk. Her faint scowl hinted at her indignity, yet Kung Lao didn't utter a single word. His face was as expressionless as it had been during the entire two hours she had blathered away.

"_Happy?"_ she hissed when she understood that he was not going to share his thoughts despite having asked her to enlighten him in the first place. Her words seemed to have startled him a little and she noticed knowledge glimmer in his eyes – was he in a trance?

"I guess..." he murmured, unsure himself about how should he feel. As it had all dawned upon him bit by bit the longer he took in the tide of information, what he came to was completely unexpected. "But I don't know why I get to be a 'Gary Stu' here by your definition."

"It's the most obvious thing!" she cried. "You're like... immune to my attacks! Well, immune to the hurt coming your way... only winds up turning you on. I mean come on, it hasn't been a whole week since we started on this mission and you were already proposing!"

"Hey, I don't know what came over me, okay?!" he retorted, cheeks burning red as memories of every single embarrassing incident popped up out of nowhere and flashed before his eyes. Oh, how he had tarnished the good name of the Order of the White Lotus. He pursed his lips and turned to stare at his hands that lay in his lap as Kitana mimicked his words, albeit in a weird chipmunk voice to better mock him.

He knew he had let his mind wander into dark places. No matter how hard he always tried to remove temptation from within him, something always managed to prove his methods all for naught. It was an unending cycle, lured into wrong and then saved by prayer, over and over again, just as it was when he had first set foot into Outworld. Just as it had been when he became entangled in the reality Mortal Kombat had created. Just as it had been when he first set eyes on her. He gulped despite a dry throat, scared of the repercussions of what he was going to say next. "It... it was kinda... the same way... since I first met you..."

"Eh?" she said in a less-than-sensitive voice whilst she picked her nose.

"When I... first met you..." he said, locking eyes with her once more. He was rather fortunate to have missed her disgusting little act a while before. "I really thought you were pretty."

She sniffed, clearly not impressed.

"I mean, a lot more than pretty," he continued in his stride, a smile slowly forming on his face and nostalgia shimmering in his eyes. "But that's all you were. You were just the prettiest woman I had ever seen and that was as far as I could understand the feeling. You're my friend and I cared for you just the same as I did for Liu Kang... and when he was gone... I don't know, I guess you and I were the only ones to know what it felt like..."

Kitana had no idea what in Raiden's name he was talking about.

"Granted we weren't the closest of friends and hardly even know anything about each other, but there's one thing I'm sure about even after all this time," his voice was close to a gentle hum and his smile a warm curve. "You're still the prettiest woman I've ever seen in my life."

She blinked like a doll, confusion and understanding both clashing in her eyes when he uttered those last words. Silence lingered between the two, thick with passion, vulnerability and hesitation, lasting for what seemed like an eternity before the monk found his body slowly inclining toward her out of his own accord, a hand reaching out to lift her chin so that he gazed into her wide blue eyes and leaned in for a kiss.

Kitana punched him in the face so hard she knocked him out cold.

With the monk easily incapacitated, she proceeded to start screaming again and then jumped to her feet, running off into the thicket while blaring like a goddamned siren.

* * *

If it hadn't been for the hat, Scorpion would have easily mistaken him for a dead animal and moved on ahead. He carefully tracked through the thicket to avoid getting his clothes snagged on twigs and cautiously approached the body. What is if the corpse was a lure? His eyes darted to his surroundings, checking for the slightest hints where some enemy might lay in ambush. Instead, he noticed signs of a confused struggle; a patch of blood on a tree, a pile of shredded timber to one side, track marks in the dirt as if someone had been dragged around. What had happened here?

Scorpion didn't realise that the man that lay sprawled across the floor wasn't exactly dead. His body gently rose and fell with every breath he took and his skin still retained the tint of life. The Ninja hunched over to see a massive red bruise covering the monk's entire left cheek and dried blood staining his nose and lip. And despite all that, there was a goofy smile plastered on his face. Did he saying something? No, he was only murmuring in his sleep. It was plain obvious that he had been knocked out with a very powerful blow.

"Hey...!" Scorpion barked, pulling at the monk's collar and when that didn't work he settled down to smack him on the sore area of his face. "Wake up...!"

The pain must have stung hard enough to slowly rile Kung Lao from his dreams because surely his eyes – although mired in a dizzy haze – fluttered open. He grimaced as he pulled himself up and placed his palm against his tender cheek, yelping at the sudden sting. Fully conscious, the pain finally registered itself with him and took its full effect, leaving the monk unable to resist groaning in hurt.

"What happened?" was the first thing the Shirai Ryu had asked him, and although the Shaolin felt the prick of his insensitive attitude, his desire to recall what had gone by offset his emotional turmoil. The throbbing bruises and the need for air – with all that dried blood obstructing his nostrils – made it difficult to swiftly recall how he wound up beaten and unconscious on the forest floor with his partner nowhere in sight, but the memory eventually resurfaced. And it pissed him off.

"That... harpy...!" he hissed through clenched teeth, realising how hard it was to talk without it stinging.

"Where is she?" Scorpion demanded, the grimness in his voice startling the monk a little. Did she pick a fight with him? Rip him off? Annoy him? Owe him money? Steal something from him? Had something to give him? The possibilities were endless but it all meant that Scorpion had something to do with the deranged Princess and it didn't seem like it was going to be pleasant for the woman. It was a dilemma for the Shaolin as part of him didn't want to see a friend (and a female friend at that) get hurt and part of him wanted to see her get what was coming to her. So to say, the latter desire overwhelmed the first and he found himself upon his feet, offering to aid the Ninja in tracking down the woman.

"Sense of direction is horrible," Lao provided, his words a little muffled because of his bruised cheek. "She has to be close by. She probably left signs of her departure all over the place...!"

"You're right..." the Ninja murmured as he observed the surrounding thicket, noticing broken stalks, twigs and branches toward his right, as if she had fled in a panic in the direction without so much care as to free her clothes when they got caught in the thicket and leave patches of blue cloth for others to follow. He squinted, perplexed, and Lao noticed.

"What...?" he asked and Scorpion gestured toward the track Kitana had made.

"That's route leads back to Sueville."

* * *

"Haa...! Haa ha ha HAH... Ha ha...!" she laughed in between laboured breaths, the brush and wood having become sparse and leading into the open. She was out of the Living Forest, away from Kung Lao, away from the rape-y Trees and was only a few steps closer to heaven. She hunched over from the ache in her sides, legs, back and chest, fatigued from having to run around the Forest in circles before she wound up in the clearing. It was a success on her part and she was especially ecstatic that she had stumbled upon a nice little village where she could rest and tend to her likely fractured kneecap and fingers.

"HAH!" she exclaimed, announcing her victory to no one in particular with her hands raised in the air. "Try and catch... catch me now... suckers! Look all over the place... for me, if you want...! 'Cause I'll be here... in this nice little village of Sueville before I-"

She abruptly cut herself short when it struck her. Her heart sunk into a black-hole that tore itself inside her chest and her arms slumped down at her sides like deadweight. She blinked at the curvy lettering on the massive banner that hung over the entrance to the village, a familiar blue sky punctuated with fluffy white clouds and rainbow puking unicorns galloping along the rays of sunshine. She could not believe it. She could not believe how she could have been so stupid to wind up at the gates of hell after narrowly escaping it with her life. Could it have been her stupidity, or the cruel hand of fate playing here? It could have been both, but the former was the more likely reason here.

"So this is how it is...?" she whispered where she could not muster enough strength to give her words a voice. But that was all before her mind decided it was the best time to do a rage-quit. "DAMN SHIT FUCKING CUNTASS MOTHERFUCK COCK SHIT FUCK FUCK PISSTITS FUCKING FUUUUUCCCCKKK!"

Her tirade cost her remaining energies and she sunk to the ground, pouting like she was six-years-old again and was denied having candy before going to bed. She kept glancing up at the sign that arched over the gate and then back at her twisted fingers: the product of socking Kung Lao. Despair drowned her soul and her resolve when the momentary adrenaline subsided and let fatigue wreak havoc upon her bones. Brooding thoughts circled in her mind and the moments once gone by now returned to flash before her eyes and chant warnings. She knew her course of action – when Hellflame could not be destroyed, she turned on Kung Lao instead. It was horrendously evident that he was crucial to Hellflame's existence. If he vanished, she would wither away as well.

And she couldn't do it. She had her chance, when his back was turned, the tendons in his neck vulnerable to the sharp steel of her fans that would slice through them. She hesitated, and even though it had been for the most fleeting of moments, she lost the opportunity. No. She never had an opportunity from the beginning. When her Kiss of Death failed against him, when her own bones crumbled in the midst of attacking him, why did she think that she could have sliced his throat and ended his life then and there?

She didn't feel proud of what she had done though. In a way, she was slightly glad that the Shaolin survived her otherwise fatal moves. He had been good to her. He had been a friend to her. And she was wrong to disregard that relationship in favour of her seeing her means to an end.

But fate did not intend on a simple schematic.

Lao was the Mary Sue. He was the real threat all along.

Then what was Hellflame?

Nothing more than a sideshow. A temporary distraction from the much crueller turn of events. Hellflame's existence was meant to mask Lao's deconstruction of the universe. And his 'key', his very purpose was none other than the Edenian Princess herself.

But why did it take so long for him to bring the world to ruin? Why was not Hellflame born long ago and destroy reality in Kung Lao's name? Why so many years? Why create so much history?

Did it matter?

Kitana pushed herself up on her knees and wobbled a little as she stood herself on her feet. Her eyes locked on to the capital letters painted upon the wooden sign a final time.

Then so be it. If the whole thing had to be stopped, she needed to destroy the 'key'. She inhaled deeply, reaching for her fans so that she may finally face Hellflame in a desperate one-on-one fight to the death. Her fingers however found nothing but air. She glanced down at her belt and found them devoid of her weapons? Where did she...?

An image of the monk appeared before her, Lao sitting cross-legged on the forest floor while cooling himself with her hat.

"FUCK!" she shrieked.

* * *

"Its... deserted?" the monk said, squinting at the occasional tumbleweed that rolled by. He and his new partner did not halt their steps as they entered through the open gates, the arching sign passing over their heads. The buildings seemed empty, with windows shut and doors boarded up. The stalls had been dismantled and the stables were devoid of the typical unicorns and their caretakers. No sounds of children's laughter, no heated arguments between men, no senseless chatter from the women. The town was completely devoid of every single soul, leaving only him and Scorpion to trudge through the empty streets like they had stumbled upon a ghost town.

And what was worst, the Shirai Ryu spotted blood.

Crimson patters stained a small patch of a shop's white walls. Scorpion approached it while keeping his senses sharp for anything out of the ordinary. It didn't take too long before the Ninja gestured toward the monk and the latter caught up. Lao realised why Scorpion had beckoned him over: more blood. Red decorated the paved walkway, the walls and the railing. A fat streak of blood slithered along the ground as if the injured person or animal had been dragged along the floor. The Ninja pointed to the several scars in the dirt that ran alongside the blood track: nails scratching the earth. The victim had dragged him or herself.

A ball formed within the monk's throat as dread overcame him. Whose blood was this? Where was Kitana? Why weren't there people here?

Who should he expect to find at the end of the trail? A Princess or a yellow-clad Kunoichi?

He darted ahead to follow the track, leaving Scorpion behind to barely utter his disapproval. Kung Lao didn't listen. There was nothing much he could listen to anyway with his heartbeat drumming in his ears. The trail twisted around the buildings and grew wider in some areas before returning to its usual breadth, eventually leading into the main street and heading for the square. Dread turned into outright hysteria as he swerved around the bend of a corner shop, knowing he wasn't prepared at all to see what may lay ahead. But in the recesses of his mind, his doubts held firm ground: in some way, he knew what he was going to see.

A bloody heap lay before the fountain; the once sparkling clean water dyed a hideous red. His legs trembled and sweat coated his skin. Something about the mound had mesmerised him and he couldn't resist taking laboured steps toward it. The closer he got to it, the more he could understand what he was seeing.

A woman.

He did not relent his approach despite the beating of his heart having become near defeaning.

The remains of a woman.

A few steps away and his body gave way under the burden of his mind. He fell to his knees, finding himself unable to tear his gaze away from the mangled corpse. Wispy hair concealed her face, though the voice that had only been whispering only moments ago was now screaming at him. He reached out, murmuring "No" over and over again, internally pleading to his god to prove his doubts wrong. He pushed the tresses away, a sob tearing from his throat.

_Heihachi Mishima... is dead._

OH NO, WAIT! SHIT! I FUCKED IT UP!

I meant Kitana. _Kitana _is dead.

* * *

A/N: Like I would leave an emotional, heart-wrenching and suspenseful scene unexploited. Okay, it was none of those things.

As you may have also noticed, this fic has a book cover now. Its also on deviantart, so if you want to check out the full version (without all that pesky lettering keeping you from seeing poorly coloured pushmatatas), click on the link in my profile.

Oh, and on an unrelated note, did you guys see Legacy II? I personally think it didn't live up to its hype.

**UCryWolFe**, **Obelisk of Light**, **Cold Recluse**, **xSpoonyx** and **Flaming Kunoichi** - thank you so very much for reviewing this story even though it meant taking time out of your busy schedule. I appreciate your words and support.


	11. Rule 8

Rule #8 – KOMBAT TIME!

_*GASP!*_

_So this is it! The final showdown! Now that the mysteries have cleared, it's the big climax that we've all been waiting for! And it's perfect too since now all plot holes have finally been dealt with and all loose ends tied (which is a significantly huge lie, but let's just pretend I've cleared up the inconsistencies)._

_No more waiting, lovely Suethors! This is the heart of the storm before it comes to pass._

_(Insert argument how this has nothing to do with the smut/lemon/ick every horny loser had been waiting for and instead this guide actually resembles a plot, thereby rendering its purpose null. Fuck you.)_

* * *

Scorpion could tell Kung Lao was hysterical. The monk was on all fours, scrambling about to gather flesh and bones that had separated from the body during whatever carnage that had happened. He was careful to approach Lao, choosing to tread upon patches of land that weren't already stained in red but it seemed as if the ninja's consideration wasn't necessary anymore. The Shaolin warrior was now cradling her disembodied head, trying his best to rejoin it with her neck in vain hopes that the wounds would fix themselves and she'd be standing before them once again, all brand new.

"She's hurt, she's hurt, she's hurt..." Lao was rambling, wide eyes darting about.

"Leave it," Scorpion decided that to refer to the carcass as 'her' would only serve to give the illusion that she was still living. Kung Lao didn't need that right now. The blood had only begun to curdle, suggesting that it had been close to an hour since she had died. Her pale face was frozen in both shock and pain – it was a miracle how Scorpion could even determine the expression given the blood the body was soaked in. And Lao was getting it all over himself, his shivering hands doing little to hold the head in place while he waited for that 'miracle' to reattach it. He wasn't in his right mind to listen.

The legs were mangled from the knees, the flesh riddled with tiny gaping holes. Some spiked and heavy had been rammed into her calves that crushed the bone and ground the flesh – a mace perhaps? Her spine and ribs had caved in due to the assault of the mace, pulverised flesh scattered all around the body and squashed organs swimming in the blood pooling where her back was supposed to be. It looked to be that the head had been lopped off in a single motion (a surprisingly merciful act given the torture her body was subjected to), though the ruined skin of her neck and the groves in the flesh indicated that a jagged blade or saw of sorts had been used.

His eyes travelled to the thick trail of blood winding along the dusty earth before disappearing into the same alley way that they had come from, painting a scene so vivid that it left little to the spectre's imagination: she is there, standing in defiance against her would-be killer. The murderer has a weapon in his/her hands but she is not one to be deterred. She must have known exactly what she was walking into and so the resignation to her evident demise leaves her unafraid. The attacker swings at her leg and she falls on all fours in terrible agony, but much too shocked to register what has happened. She is kicked down and crumbles far too easily, body frozen. She is vulnerable and the attacker takes full opportunity of it, both smashing and tearing at her legs until there are only stumps left.

They chase her into the town's square. No, that's not it. She has already given in to impending death, she would've had it better if she just stayed down and be finished there. There are marks along the red track, fingers having dug into the dirt; she has crawled all the way here. What is her reason? What has left her so desperate to escape when she knows she has no chance of survival? Whatever it is, it seems that her goals must go unfulfilled in this life, when her killers finally decide they are done with her. They bring the mace down upon her back as she drags her body along the ground and they don't stop to marvel at her resilience. The weapon rams into her again and again until she cannot move anymore.

She's good as dead but the killer is vengeful. He/she hates her and won't have the satisfaction in killing her unless he/she maims her even when she's practically a corpse. The mace is exchanged for a jagged-edged blade and her head comes off in one swift motion. The murderer realises he/she let excitement get the better of him/her and settles for beating the body with the mace again until his/her anger finally subsides. The corpse is left there to rot and barely an hour passes before a monk and ninja enter the town to find a trail of blood waiting for them.

Scorpion inwardly smiled, knowing all those hours of watching CSI reruns really paid off.

"Let go," Scorpion ordered the monk once again, grasping his shoulder a little roughly – gentleness would do nothing to snap him out of his delirium. Lao did not respond, muttering those same words ever and over again, cradling the head like a woman would an infant, after numerous failed attempts to put it back into place. The Shirai Ryu warrior snorted in annoyance, grasping his collar and giving the man a rude shake. "Stop it!"

Lao shut his eyes, squeezing out the brimming tears that now ran freely down his bloodied face. He doubled over, howling like an animal before averting his gaze to the woman's head and screaming in both horror and grief. He let it tumble out of his stiffened fingers, unable to move and only able to scream in utter terror of what he was seeing.

"The party's still on?!" a new voice resounded from out of nowhere, the suddenness of those words effectively jolting the Shaolin out from his state of shock. He was quiet instantaneously, eyes registering bewilderment rather than woe. The two turned their heads in the direction of the sound and found a grinning Havik dressed in a hula skirt and a complete arsenal of firearms in hands. They blinked as did the clergyman, continuing this exchange in silence for several minutes before the skull-faced man finally piped up. "Oh... I take it you guys weren't invited."

"What are you doing here?" the ninja demanded when it seemed that Lao had not fully recovered from the shock. Havik shrugged.

"Partying," came the reply. His eyes travelled to the corpse that accompanied the spectre and the monk, finally acknowledging its existence. "Man, she didn't come out too good."

Scorpion's ears (or super undead hearing, whatever the fuck allows him to hear despite not having actual ears) perked up at the statement. It was much too obvious that Havik was aware of what was happening to her before he and the Shaolin happened upon the cadaver. The ninja was upon his feet and lunged at the cleric, grasping his hair from the roots and pulling him close enough to feel Scorpion's intimidating gaze burning through his skin.

"What happened here?" the interrogation looked like it would go smoothly given Havik's quivering knees and the wet stain that grew around his crotch. Scorpion thought it best to ignore the look of bliss on the cleric's face as he relieved himself.

"Massacre," Havik provided, the glee in his voice contradicting the spasms his body experienced in wake of fear. "Well, the Princess was the only one on the receiving end. The rest were the there to cheer her on while she pummelled Kitana into the ground with my Morning Star. It was wicked cool."

"Cheer who on?" came the next question.

"Hellflame, duh!"

The hurried shuffle of boots against grainy earth came from right behind him. He turned to look over his shoulder, sparing a momentary glance at the still grieving monk – the sorrow, however not gone, had substantially dissipated in favour of anger. If he was any more sympathetic to the Shaolin's predicament, Scorpion would've actually felt a little pride in knowing how another's heart burned for vengeance just as his did in wake of his cursed existence.

"Why?"

"Why? Pfft..." Havik scoffed, rolling his eyes though the gesture wasn't apparent given the lack of pupils. "Because of him of course."

Kung Lao was taken aback by the finger pointed his way. His gaze travelled between the ninja and the clergyman, confused and disgusted by the claim. Did Havik mean to say that he was reason his friend lay dead on the ground as a mangled corpse? He couldn't understand this habit of the world blaming him for every wrong that seemed to occur during a mission gone horrendously astray – what terrible sin had he committed that had everyone convinced he was the source of all this misery? Kitana never believed in his innocence but she said it had been for an entirely different reason: he was a 'Gary Stu' and thus why everything was the way it was so.

Then was his apparent existence as this... this _thing_ the cause of his friend's demise? That he was her killer? That he destroyed her and then fooled himself into mourning her? He had wished her harm, wanted her to suffer in wake of all the embarrassment she had caused him during their brief time together. Had it been an accidental prayer? Had his heart truly wished to see her suffer?

He had been angry at her because she was erratic, because fear propelled her to ram her fist into his nose. And now she was dead. Justice?

Dear God, he could never hope for her death! A misplaced desire to cause her pain, and this is what happens instead? Is hatred _this_ powerful?

"No," Lao denied Havik's words, denied everything that was unfolding before him. He denied Kitana's words, the great knowledge of the Mary Sue that she had imparted on him – Mary Sues weren't real. Make believe. Superstition. Legend. They weren't real and so the claim that he was a Gary Stu wasn't real either. He was not – could not, could _never_ be the cause of her painful death. He refused to believe it.

"Why not?" Havik sneered, finding great amusement in the turmoil that showed so plainly on the monk's face.

"Hellflame had the hots for you," he chuckled at his own pun. Scorpion groaned, covering his face with his free palm. "But you left her here all alone while playing house with the Princess. You broke her achy breaky heart."

"One more word out of you and you'll wind up with an achy breaky _face_!" the ninja growled, tightening his grip on the tuft of hair still balled in his hand and inciting a yelp from the clergyman.

"I wasn't...!" Lao tried but fell short. The accusations rang true – he had no defence. Of course he had known that Hellflame was infatuated with him; Kitana had driven that point home in her final moments with him. Not only did he disregard her feelings, he remained repulsed by her, begging his once living partner to keep her away from him. But why was it so unfair that he rejected her? She was young, much too young to be thinking of marriage, and neither could he have ever thought of her as vengeful and merciless.

"_You're letting yourself be deceived,_" Baraka's words reverberated in his mind, echoing like an executioner's gong.

"_She is a threat, Lao..._" Kitana's voice. "_She looks pretty, but she's all monsters._"

What had he done?

For the love of God, _what had he done?_

He gazed at his blood-caked palms before covering his face in them, streaking his cheeks scarlet, pressing hard, mouth twisted in a despaired grimace.

"_No..._" he croaked through clenched teeth.

"Yes...!" Havik continued. "Don't deny it! You are the reason for all that had happened! This is atonement for what you have done! This is your Hell, your eternal nightm-"

He was abruptly cut short by Scorpion's fist driving straight into his abdomen.

"Quit it!" the ninja barked. "You're making him worse!"

He didn't need to redirect the cleric's attention over to the monk who had already sunk to his knees, hunched over the corpse that was apparently his doing; a sobbing mess.

'For fuck's sake, would he just leave that thing alone?!' Scorpion mused. 'It's dead and it's gross!'

And that, dear aspiring Suethors, is what we call a class example of "irony".

* * *

"So what've we got?" Fujin asked as Quan Chi finally stepped into the room, eyeing his phone warily. The sorcerer looked exhausted – more pale than usual. The Wind God wanted to pity him but the silent code between bitter enemies dictated he quell any sentiments then and there, yet this whole Mary Sue business was a whole lot worse than anything Chi could ever pull off. And if the guy was having a hard time then that undoubtedly meant that it wasn't going to be any easier for the sibling Gods.

Chi dragged a chair and set down on it, stuffing his cell-phone back into his pockets.

"Five million and nothing less," came the answer and the Wind God raised a sceptical brow.

"In Yens or in Dollars?"

"Euros."

"FUCK!"

"Guys," a new voice piped up and both men turned their gazes to the entrance. A cone-shaped hat popped into view, followed by the Thunder God's countenance. It was easy to note the grim shadow that had fallen upon his face, but Fujin decided to let him announce the bad news of his own accord rather than drill him for it. But just as the older immortal opened his mouth, a wave of curiosity overcame his features. Apparently, neither Chi nor Fujin looked like they were having the time of their lives. "What's up with you two? Did you hire the guy?"

"He's charging five million," came Quan Chi's reply.

"In Liras or in Francs?"

"Euros."

"BALLS!"

"That's one option down the drain," Fujin muttered bitterly, folding his arms across his chest. "Now we can only hope those two idiots pull through."

"About that," Raiden began and the panicked glare his brother and the sorcerer shot his way made him stumble over his own words for a fleeting moment. The God of Thunder nonetheless cleared his throat – after all, this wasn't something that should escape either one's notice. He knew what he had to do and sucked in his breath to prepare himself for the worst. "Kitana's K. I. A..."

Silence followed as neither uttered a single word. Even Quan Chi, who would've rejoiced the demise of one of his enemies, was momentarily caught in a shocked stupor before he finally looked away, head hanging in solemn grief. Fujin was yet to stir from the daze. Disbelief and confusion laced his features, an expression so morose that it caused Raiden's stomach to knot.

"W-... what do you mean...?" the Wind God demanded, voice a whisper. Raiden strode over and placed a comforting hand on his sibling's hand in an attempt at consolation. He needed to be brave.

"Fujin..."

"No seriously, what does K. I. A. mean?"

Raiden pulled his arm back and smacked his brother upside his head.

"We're out of options," Chi murmured, pressing his palms together as he held them before his nose, staring off into the distance. "An agent's dead and we're too broke to hire the only available mercenary on Craigslist."

"What if we pool together?" Raiden asked. The three individuals exchanged gazes before hurriedly digging into their pockets and fishing out all the change they had. Scattering it on the table, Chi quickly began counting the pennies while the God of Thunder gathered every note he could find – it was a sight so pitifully sad that Fujin covered his face with his hands.

"This is hopeless," he moaned.

"Wait, I got some in my socks!" Raiden offered, trying to be as helpful as he could.

"No, stop it," the younger God held up his palms to signal to the others to halt whatever they were doing. "I got an idea."

"This better be good," Chi warned, lips twisting into a sceptical frown.

"Trust me," Fujin said with a wave of his hand.

* * *

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

"Y-yeah, there been a robbery at my home. They took everything, the T. V., the fridge, even the fucking carpets! Everything's gone, the emptied the place out!"

"Sir-"

"There's a fucking echo in here! Tell me you can hear that!"

"Sir! Please calm down, I'm patching through a nearby patrol and I need information...!"

"They swept the whole place clean and-"

"Calm. Down. Sir. Now please, your name...?"

"J-Johnny Cage."

* * *

He had washed away as much blood as he possibly could with what little he had. He tipped the remaining water over her face and, with dirty hands, began squeezing whatever blood was still left out of her hair.

"What does it mean?" Scorpion demanded.

"I don't know," came the reply, with Kung Lao's gaze never leaving the corpse. He pushed the dented bucket away and paused to regard her for a moment. This was not how he wanted to remember her, torn, twisted, mutilated. He had closed her eyes, didn't want them looking up at him like they were silently pleading for help. She looked more peaceful this way – desecrated but peaceful, even if he had fooled himself into believing that.

He scooped up the head and descended into her grave, placing it where it had been severed from. Everyone was gone so it was easy to find something to wrap the body, or what remained of it anyway. A white sheet draped over her, hiding the broken bones, tattered skin and ripped flesh. She looked like she was sleeping.

He hunched down to tuck her hand underneath the blanket, turning it over a final time to read the words that were etched across her palm.

"Armegedun," it said.

He clambered out and wordlessly began burying her.

* * *

"Hey Lao," Raiden almost exclaimed, using the sweetest voice he possibly could with his given bass. The portal shimmered bright silver as two others followed the morose Shaolin; Scorpion and Havik. The Thunder God knew that the smile he wore right now probably looked like the fakest thing in the world but he was sure that the grieving monk wouldn't notice. He cast a sidelong glance toward Fujin who stealthily signalled for him to keep going. "You look bummed. Where's Kitana?"

He had to fake it. He had to make sure that Lao didn't know that the God of Thunder had seen everything happen right before his eyes and did nothing about it. He couldn't know that Raiden had witnessed the whole thing from beyond the clouds and kept out of it because Hellflame scared him shitless, scared every god up there shitless. They had all heard Kitana curse at them while she was being butchered.

"She..." the monk looked up, tried giving an answer without breaking down but he couldn't do it. A sob escaped his throat and he couldn't keep it in anymore, tears streaming down his face. He wanted to hide it, tried composing himself and placed his palm over his eyes. The tears didn't stop.

"Oh no..." Raiden muttered with false shock and then sneaked a glance of his brother who gave him a thumbs-up.

"Hellflame's work," Scorpion provided, completely aware of the Gods' shenanigans but wisely keeping it to himself – he didn't need the monk going hysterical for whatever reason again. There was work to be done, questions that needed answering and the ninja wasn't going to waste his time. If there was one thing that could put a stop this ridiculous bullshit and get him closer to the sorcerer he so dearly wanted dead, it was the final badly-spelled clue that Kitana had left them behind. "But we got something out of it and we need your expert opinion on this."

"Shoot," Fujin said and then went stiff when he realised that he sounded way too casual in this situation. Good thing Kung Lao was too busy wailing to hear him.

"Kitana had written a message on her hand," the spectre offered. "Armageddon', it said."

They were silent, faces blank and bodies frozen. Scorpion patiently didn't speak up, expecting an answer from them soon enough but it never came. Maybe they had no idea?

"Come again?" it was Raiden this time.

"Armageddon."

"What?"

"Armageddon."

"Can you repeat that? _Slowly_?"

Scorpion exhaled deeply, quickly getting annoyed.

"Arma-... geddon..."

Raiden turned toward his brother and nodded at him. The younger god shrugged before both turned their attention back towards the Shirai Ryu ninja.

"We are s_o_ screwed," was all that the Thunder God could say.

* * *

A/N: Next update will probably be the last and worst written chapter in this fic yet. Yes, worse than this one.

By the way, a little birdie told me that this fic now has its own TV Tropes page, which is cool but weird because I basically write this in my underwear.

**Obelisk of Light**, **Flaming Kunoichi** and **UCryWolFe**, thank you folks a great bunch for reviewing. Have a nice day!


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